Trojan war veteran Odysseus has come under fire for alleged anti-cyclops racism after blinding Polyphemus.
“Odysseus is a racist who has two-eyed privilege” said the leader of the Cyclops protests.
Yeah I know he’s a war veteran and I want to show respect but it’s no excuse for his unspeakable crime. He carved the end of a timber into a point and heated it until it was red hot. Then he pushed it into Polyphemus’ eye. I mean what kind of monster would take out a person’s only eye? I’ve heard that people who go to war end up loving it so much they just get addicted to it. No matter what his reasons may have been he must be punished for what he did.
Odysseus claims that his actions were motivated by self-defense.
I was just trying to get home to my beloved wife, even though I doubt she’d recognize me when I get home but that’s another matter altogether. Anyway my ship washed up on the Cyclops island. This Polyphemus fellow grabs two of my crew, smashes their heads together and then eats them. He ate them right in front of me. I tell you are those the actions of a civilized person? It was then that I decided that I would have to resort to extreme measures to escape. I didn’t want any more men of mine to be killed. Well, except for the ones that have been killed already. That’s why I sharpened the spear and plunged it into his eye. So we could escape. I also told him my name was “nobody” so when he called my name the other cyclops would think he was looking for nobody.
The cyclops however are claiming that Odysseus killed Polyphemus while his hands were up and he was shouting “Don’t spear me! Don’t spear me!”
Odysseus, to further enrage the cyclops community, after blinding Polyphemus, and about to escape with his crew, taunted the now-blind cyclop, telling him that it wasn’t “Nobody” that blinded him and then gave his real name of Odysseus.
The Cyclops Lives Matter Movement has promised not to rest until Odysseus is brought to justice.
“Odysseus is guilty of two-eyed privilege” said the message on their web site.
Our people have always been oppressed by the two-eyed people. The authorities won’t even charge Odysseus with assault. If the situation had been reversed and one of our kind had taken out his eye you can bet we’d be arrested and thrown in jail. That’s the way it’s always been and our people are tired of it. No justice no peace! Cyclops lives matter! Bring Odysseus to justice!
Odysseus continues to maintain his actions were justified.
“Look I’m sorry about Polyphemus but I just want to get home to my wife. We have a big loom in my palace and she’s quite good at weaving. I wonder what she’s making now?”