With the possibility that Russia may have helped elect Donald Trump in the news I sat down with ranking Democratic member of the House Intelligence Committee, the honorable Adam Schiff (D-CA).
MI: Good afternoon representative Schiff.
AS: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.
MI: Now let’s talk about what everyone wants to know. Did the Russians get Donald Trump elected?
AS: Definitely. How else could he have won? The Russians wanted Trump elected.
AS: Because Trump is a strongman and Putin likes strongmen.
MI: I see. But wouldn’t it make more sense for Putin to favor Clinton since she was an internationalist who would go along with the established order? As opposed to Trump who vowed to put America first?
AS: What sort of question is that? Are you one of those fake news people?
MI: It’s a legitimate question.
AS: I don’t think it is. I think you are trying to distract the American people from the fact that Putin stole this election.
AS: He had Russian operatives hack into voting machines and change votes to Trump.
MI: But the voting machines aren’t on a network or connected to the internet. How did the Russians accomplish this?
AS: There you go again. Trying to distract the American people!
MI: No. I just want the facts. Hey, do you mind if I eat? I haven’t eaten all day.
AS: Go ahead.
MI: Thanks. You know there is nothing quite like a salad.
AS: What is that you are putting on your salad?
MI: Russian dressing.
AS: Russian? Russian? Russian dressing? Russian dressing? You’re working for Putin aren’t you? Don’t deny it. Oh you think you’re so clever. But I’m on to you.
MI: It’s Russian dressing. That’s all it is.
AS: Manhattan Infidel? Manhattan? Manhattan as in one of the five boroughs of New York City?
MI: Yes, that’s correct.
AS: Do you know what else they have in New York City?
MI: No. What?
AS: The Russian Tea Room! The goddamn Russian Tea Room! The motherf*cking Russian Tea Room. It all ties together. All the pieces. You are a Russian spy!
MI: Um. No I’m not.
AS: Donald Trump lives in New York City. Or should I say Moscow on the Hudson? I bet you and Trump often meet at the Russian Tea Room!
MI: I’ve never met the man.
AS: You lying sack of shit. You’re a Russian agent trying to subvert our Democratic majority.
MI: Well that’s about all the time we have.
AS: Oh, going back to the Russian Tea Room? Perhaps to have caviar with Donald Trump where you can talk in your native Russian language?
MI: Right. Bye.
AS: Come back Manhattan Infidel! I’m on to you! I’m on to you!
Let me reassure my readers. I am not a Russian agent. However I do work for the Chinese. The pay was better and I like Asian women.