Dead!

Tragedy struck the superhero world today as Wonder Woman died in a crash of her invisible jet.

“I was out mowing my lawn” said a man who witnessed the crash.

And then I heard what sounded like an airplane engine. Then poof!  My neighbor’s house goes up in flames. I figure either Wonder Woman has crashed her invisible jet again or my neighbor was using a Samsung. Either way I barely escape the flames. F*cking Samsung. F*cking Wonder Woman. It’s getting to the point where an ordinary, tax-paying citizen can’t even mow his lawn. Yeah, I pay my taxes. Is that something these superhero elite do? 

This would mark Wonder Woman’s fourth crash of an invisible jet.

In truth the Federal Aviation Commission had long been concerned not only with the experimental technology of Wonder Woman’s invisible jet but with her flight skills.

“We had reservations about Wonder Woman” said FAA administrator Michael Huerta.

This invisible plane not only was using experimental invisible technology but it was a safety hazard in the skies. Being invisible to the eye and to radar no other planes could see it. We were worried about the possibility of a collision. It all depended on Wonder Woman’s piloting skills. And let me just say she was no Sully Sullenberger. She had no credentials. Never was in a simulator. She didn’t seem to care about flight safety or improving her skills. When we brought this up she dismiss us and say, “Relax boys. I fight for justice.”  When I complained to the President she told him I was being patriarchal and couldn’t handle a strong woman.

Meanwhile the National Transportation Safety Board was dispatched to the scene of the crash.

“Well first off we had to ascertain if it was indeed another crash of the f*cking invisible jet” said NTSB chairman Christopher Hart.

It was getting to the point where we had people on standby just for “Wonder Woman incidents” as we called them. It might have been a Samsung we didn’t know. But then one of our agents found a belt that could only be hers.

So ugly only a Chinese communist would wear it!

I mean no one else would wear something so ugly.. Unless it’s the Chinese communists that is. And we found a clavicle. It’s being tested for DNA now but we’re pretty sure it’s hers.

Chairman Hart is also concerned about the safety of his officers.

Jagged wreckage. Jagged invisible wreckage. Try wrapping your mind around that. That’s the shit my agents have to deal with. It’s dangerous. You know what? I hope that clavicle did belong to Wonder Woman. If she’s dead then my officers won’t have to worry about lacerations anymore. So screw her. Yeah, I’m not sorry she’s dead. And don’t give me any of that patriarchy can’t handle a strong woman crap. The bitch was a menace to the skies.

The reaction to Wonder Woman’s death was swift with the Justice League lowering their flags to half staff outside their Manhattan offices.

“She was the heart and soul of the team. I took inspiration from her courage and humanity” said a weeping Aquaman.

“Aquaman is such a wimp” countered Superman.

“All I care about is with her dead where am I going to get my p*ssy?”

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