Chelsea Clinton Wins Lifetime Achievement Award Beating out Pete Best, Dick Sargent and the Second Guy to Play Lionel on the Jeffersons!

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This woman has so many accomplishments

Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and former Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton has been given the “Lifetime Impact Award” from Variety magazine, adding to her long list of accomplishments.

“New York City is a vibrant community” said a spokesman for Variety.

And Chelsea Clinton is a vibrant example of this vibrant community. She’s a vibrant, vibrating representative of a vibrant, vibrating community in a vibrant, vibrating city. Why just look at all the accomplishments this vibrant young woman has achieved in her young, vibrant life.  She done, um. Well not that. She didn’t do that. But she’s accomplished so much other stuff like, well, I can’t think of anything right now but believe me she’s accomplished a lot. So much.  Just the other day we were all in the conference room discussing whom we can give the lifetime achievement award to. And we all thought of Chelsea. She deserves it. She accomplished a lot. I mean no one could name one off the top of our heads but rest assured that doesn’t mean she hasn’t done so much. Only that she has accomplished so much we were overwhelmed by her accomplishments. She’s vibrant you know. And accomplished. Just don’t ask me to tell you anything she’s done.

From England, Pete Best, when informed that he had lost out to Chelsea Clinton, expressed dismay.

“I was hoping to win. Anything. Just once” he said.

I thought I had a good chance of winning. I mean I’ve accomplished more than she has. I’ve done stuff. I can work on cars, paint homes. You know. Stuff. I’ve done a lot. Lots.  I had my own band, the Pete Best Combo. We weren’t very successful. Then I got a job loading bread in the back of a delivery van after my band broke up. That’s stuff. That’s accomplishing something. Has Chelsea loaded bread in the back of a delivery van? Losing this award sucks. I feel like I’ve been fired by Paul again.

The second actor to play Lionel on the Jeffersons, no not the first guy but the second guy, could not be reached for comment as no one has seen him for over 20 years. However the head of the Jeffersons’ fan club had this to say:

It is an injustice that the second actor to play Lionel on the Jeffersons, no not the first guy but the second guy, did not get this award. He has accomplished so much in his life. I mean he played Lionel after the first guy left. Of course he was fired after the first guy came back but that’s not the point. He deserves a lifetime achievement award. I mean he’s done so much. I think. I don’t know. No one has seen him in awhile. Perhaps he’s doing dinner theater.

Chelsea Clinton, when informed that she had won Variety’s lifetime achievement award, thanked the editors and asked if there was a cash prize.

“I mean, not that I care about money. I don’t. That’s another of my many accomplishments.”

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