Seven of Nine Cancels eHarmony Account!

Human dating rituals are complex!

Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One, currently stationed on board the Starship Voyager, has decided to end her brief foray into human dating rituals and has cancelled her eHarmony account.

“Human mating is more complex than I envisioned” said Seven.

When I was in the Borg collective I did not have to worry about hunting for a mate. Mating for the Borg is a collective thing. We as the collective assimilate species. If the species and their technology is appropriate we mate with them. Not so humans. Mating is a chance affair or is left to what humans call “matters of the heart.”  As I am recently disconnected from the Borg and am still learning to be human this has taken some getting used to.

Seven originally had no interest in finding a mate but was encouraged to do so by Captain Janeway

Just grab a man and do it, Seven. That’s what I always do.

who thought it might help her gain insight into what it means to be human.

“At first I tried mating with other crew members” she continued.

But this always led to complications. During sex with Commander Chakotay I would never look him in the eye. I was looking at his tattoo.

Stop looking at my tattoo!

It’s just odd.  He would get self conscious and and lose his ability to procreate. Then he would start crying and tell me that this has never happened before. It would get tense on the bridge after that. So I decided to try finding a mate outside of the crew. That’s when I joined eHarmony.

Despite a promising beginning Seven soon found that the men she was meeting were not up to her standards.

The men would take me out to dinner and then promise to call me later. They never did. I asked Captain Janeway if this was normal. She grabbed a bottle of bourbon and said, “Honey you ain’t seen the half of it.”  And all men it seems are fascinated by their penis and would show me photos of it they had on their communication devices. A former Borg drone needs to be romanced you know. 

It was after one encounter in particular that Seven decided to drop eHarmony.

Things were going well at first. He was articulating in a reasonably intelligent fashion. He seemed interested in my background as a Borg and asked he how they reproduce. I told him it was done in the collective. He assumed I meant group sex and invited some of his fraternity brothers over to join in. I had security remove him from my quarters.

As for her future romantic plans Seven plans to restrict that to encounters with Voyager’s Emergency Medical Hologram.

Please state the nature of your medical emergency

“When he starts getting annoying I just discontinue his program. I like that in a man.”


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