Many people know Miley Cyrus as the pop star sensation and daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus. However what most do not know is that Miss Cyrus is also a political activist. After the election of Donald Trump as president Cyrus was one of many celebrities who threatened to leave the United States.
Unlike most however, she has remained true to her word and renounced her citizenship, moving to the United Kingdom. From my offices in Manhattan and through the miracle of Skype I had the opportunity to interview Miss Cyrus.
MI: Good afternoon Miss Cyrus.
MC: Are you over 40?
MC: Do you still have sex?
MC: Eww. Old people should not have sex.
MI: Let’s discuss your decision to leave America. You have renounced your citizenship and moved.
MC: Yes. Donald Trump is an abomination and he does abominable things. He opposes the dignity of women and that’s undignified.
MI: The dignity of woman is important to you, isn’t it?
MC: Yes. I’m all about female dignity. By the way have you seen my giant six foot inflatable penis? I carry it with me everywhere and rub it against my scantily clad body when I’m on stage.
MI: No I haven’t seen it.
MC: Damn. I feel naked without it.
MI: Well you are naked.
MC: Oh right. Like I said I’m all about female dignity. ARE YOU STARING AT MY BREASTS?
MI: It’s kind of difficult not to. You’re naked.
MC: I did not give you permission to look at my breasts. What makes you think you can look at them?
MI: Um. You’re naked.
MC: You probably want to see my vagina too. Well, look at it! Look at my vagina!
[Miley thrusts her vagina up close to her webcam so Manhattan Infidel can get a better look]
MI: No thanks. Kate Blanchett, Emma Watson, Courtney Kardashian, Shallene Woodley and Gwyneth Paltrow have already shown me theirs.
MC: We vagina sisters have got to stick together. Without female dignity we are pawns of the patriarchy.
MI: I see.
MC: But when I walk around naked on stage with my six foot penis and rub that against my body then the Man will be forced to take me seriously.
MI: Anyway I see we’re just about out of time.
MC: Time is a bourgeois construct.
MI: You don’t even know what that means.
MC: [Pause] Female dignity.
MI: Before I go I have one last question. You left the United States because a Republican won. There are elections every four years. Will you come back to the United States if a Democrat wins?
MC: Wait, there are elections every four years?
MC: But I thought Donald Trump was elected King for life?
MI: No he was elected President for a four-year term.
MC: Four years?
MI: Yes. Every four years we have a presidential election. Sometimes the Democratic candidate loses. Sometimes they win.
MC: Oh. I didn’t know that.
MI: Any last thing you want to say to my readers before I go?
MC: Female dignity!
MC: Female dignity with a six foot inflatable penis that I rub against my body as people watch.
MI: That makes sense.
And so ended my interview with the icon for female equality and dignity, Miley Cyrus.