The upstate New York town of Troy, New York has been cutoff from the outside world because of a besieging Greek army.
The town, located on the Hudson River about 150 miles north of New York City woke up last week to find ships from Ilium docked in Troy Landing. Greek warriors wearing traditional costumes from the Iron Age rode chariots through the streets.
“This is Troy and we will conquer it, take their horses and become masters of trade in this area” said one of the attackers who goes by the name of Achilles.
Other Greeks rode through town asking for a woman named Helen.
“I want my wife back and I shall get her” said a Greek named Menelaus.
While the besieging Greeks were at first ignored they soon proved themselves to be an annoyance.
“I was on my way to work and a bunch of idiots on chariots started shooting arrows at me” said a city resident.
I drive a Prius you know so my car pretty much tips over whenever there is a wind gust over five miles an hour. So you can imagine I was pretty annoyed at having arrows banging off my car. I was hoping to outrun them but, Prius you know, and they surrounded me and told me to get out of my car. I thought they were going to kill me. They started calling me a Trojan bastard and said they would avenge the kidnapping of some woman named Helen. Hell I don’t know who this Helen woman is so I told them to leave me alone and that I was just trying to get to work. Then I gave them the finger. I would have driven away but, Prius you know, so I called a tow truck.
No one knows for sure why the Greeks have targeted Troy. Some believe it might be Troy’s city motto, “Ilium fuit. Troja est,” which translates as “Ilium was, Troy is.”
“Well hell if that’s all it is then we’ll just change the damn slogan” said Troy’s mayor. Accordingly the Town Council changed the motto to “Nos es non Schenectady” or “We’re not Schenectady.”
This seemed to work as the Greeks departed from Troy landing and were not seen again.
Before leaving they left behind a large Greek horse as a gift to the city.
“We asked them if there were any soldiers inside the horse and they said no” said the mayor.
Having no use for a giant horse it was sold on eBay to a farmer in Rensselaer county who uses it as a scarecrow in his fields.
The Greeks have not been seen since, except for one named Odysseus who appears to be lost and is wandering through every town along the Hudson.
“He’s a bit eccentric. He keeps putting wax in our ears and telling us to tie him to the mast of his ship. Hey, whatever floats your boat” said one person who met him.