Wonder Woman, Superman Break Up!

I want respect!

I want respect!

Woman Woman announced on her Facebook page today that she is no longer “in a relationship” with Superman and is now to be considered single.

“Que sera sera” Wonder Woman put on her timeline.

Whatever will be, will be.  It was fun while it lasted but yours truly is now a single crime fighter. Very single. I wish Superman well but we are no longer a couple.

Friends say that tension had been building up between the two for months and that it was only a matter of time before they broke up.

“It was physical only” said a friend of Wonder Woman who wishes to remain anonymous.

That was the entire basis of their relationship. Sex. That was it. These are two young, fit crime fighters at the peak of the sexual powers and naturally they had the hots for each other. It was embarrassing at times how the two of them couldn’t wait to get their hands all over each other. And they thought they were being discreet. One time I looked up and there was Wonder Woman in the cockpit of her invisible plane and Superman was in the cockpit with her, right between her legs. I shouted “Hello. We can see you! Invisible airplane you know. Get a room you two!”

When the two weren’t having sex it appears they didn’t have much to say to each other.

“I was on a double date with them once” said Aquaman.

And there was nothing but silence between the two. It seems that when they had their clothes on they were bored with each other. Finally Superman said “Let’s cut this short. I want to take Wonder Woman back to my fortress of solitude and role play.” Like I don’t need to know that! What? Yes I go out on dates! Chicks dig Aquaman. Really. Okay she was a paid escort. I’m concentrating on my career right now and don’t have time for a relationship.

Sensing that their relationship was a shallow one, Wonder Woman made one last chance to save her friendship with Superman.

“I used my lasso of truth on Superman” she said.

My lasso makes people obey and tell the truth. So with lasso in hand I asked Superman if he respected me. Do you know what he said?  “I respect your body. Smoking baby!” It was then that I knew we had no future together. I walked away right then and there. Superman starts begging me “But it’s also a lasso of obeying. Make me obey, baby. I’ve been bad and I want you to order me around. I’m only submissive for you.” I really didn’t care anymore. He can do whatever he wants. I have too much to offer and I deserve to find a man who respects me.

Reaction to the split has been mixed in superhero circles with Batman and Catwoman both expressing interest in the now single Wonder Woman.

“Once you’ve had Cat Woman you never go back” said the feline villain.

“I’d love to spank that. I would. But I’m afraid Robin would get jealous. He’s such a bitch” stated Batman.

Superman could not be reached for comment.


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