Do you know the damage a giant dog’s giant balls can do?

Clifford, a big red dog who lives with his owner, eight-year old Emily Elizabeth, has bee busy showing his balls off to the entire neighborhood. And the neighborhood is getting tired of it.

“I’m  a tolerant fellow” said one resident.

But this big red dog has got to go. I mean he struts all over the neighborhood with his giant balls swinging back and forth! I have children you know! How would you feel if every time you took your daughter for a walk she pointed out Clifford and said, “Daddy are your balls as big as Clifford’s? When I grow up I want to marry a man with balls like that!”  Then she ran over to Clifford and wedged herself in between his balls. She was laughing and having a good time. Christ a fellow needs therapy after that.

Another neighbor complained about Clifford’s boundary issues.

It was a Saturday morning  and like every Saturday I started it out by making love to my wife. We’re respectable people you know. Well anyway I was making love to her and she starts moaning “Oh my god!” I thought maybe I was hurting her because I’m large you know. But she starts pointing at the window. I turn around and see Clifford’s balls plastered against the window. Apparently he was was up on his hind legs trying to drink from the rain gutter along the roof. My wife seemed transfixed. She walked over to the window and put her hand out, like she was going to caress Clifford’s balls. Fortunately it was summer and the windows were shut. I said to her, “Honey, what’s the matter?  Aren’t my balls good enough for you?”  I was joking you see. But she just shook her head no. We haven’t been intimate since. Saturday mornings really suck now.

Often Clifford would stop in the street to lick his balls, stopping traffic and causing a commotion.

“I lost my job because of that damn dog” complains one man.

I was 45 minutes late to work on my first day because of Clifford. He had plopped himself down in the middle of the road and he was licking himself. My boss told me that being late the first day did not make a good impression. When I told him that it wasn’t my fault and that I was watching a dog lick his balls he fired me on the spot. “There is no room for sexual perverts in Ad Sales” he told me. Now I have no job and may lose my house.

The president of the neighborhood tenants’ association has asked Clifford’s owner to have him fixed.

I mean come on! Have some decency!  No one wants to see balls that huge. Unless of course it’s at a World Wrestling Federation match. I just hope Clifford’s not on steroids. The last thing this place needs is roid rage from a giant dog.

Emily Elizabeth has stated that she will not have Clifford fixed as it is “animal cruelty.”  As a compromise however she will have Clifford wear a diaper.

“My daddy said he’ll put the diaper on Clifford. He also said he hasn’t touched balls that large since he was in the Navy.”

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