I have a lot in common with Fidel Castro: We both hate America and don’t know our ass from a hole in the ground

In the week since the rise into eternal socialist life of Cuban leader Fidel Castro many have praised him.

Perhaps no eulogy has been as heart-felt as soclalist, oppressed victim of color and backup quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers, Colin Kaepernick.

“Fidel has done so much for the Cuban people” said the rarely used backup quarterback.

One thing that Fidel Castro did do is they have the highest literacy rate because they invest more in their education system than they do in their prison system.  Literacy is important. Not everyone can grow up to be a rarely-used backup quarterback making 20 million a year in the NFL. I myself read at an 8th grade level. But I have football. Cubans do not have football. Which is why they need literacy. Literacy is important. They can read books while in prison awaiting execution.

The brave, 19 million a year socialist intellectual and backup quarterback then went on to discuss the difference between the United States and Cuba: the oppression of peoples of color and the breaking up of families.

We do break up families here. That’s what mass incarceration is. That was the foundation of slavery. So our country has been based on that as well as the genocide of Native Americans. You know Native Americans were socialists. They held all property in common. That’s why the capitalist Americans oppressed them. They don’t break up families in Cuba. When one member goes to jail, they all go to jail.

Kaepernick then went on to talk about  how he plans to use his remaining time as a football player to honor Castro.

Socialism is all about equality. Socialism is all about redistribution. Therefore whenever I am playing, and granted as a back up quarterback making 19 million that’s not often, I plan to use my football skills to help the opposing team score as much as we are. I know that may shock many of our fans but our fans must realize that there is more to life than winning. Like in Cuba. No one is winning in Cuba. Everyone shares the same poverty. Equality. It’s a hallmark of socialism.

During the off season Kaepernick plans on living in Cuba.

It’s a socialist worker’s paradise. I am a worker. A 19-million a year worker. I look forward to being surrounded by brothers and sisters of color living a life free from capitalism. That is Fidel’s gift to his people. I’ve been told to bring toilet paper since there is a shortage on the island, probably from US embargoes. Capitalist pigs!

He then closed his press conference by once again praising Castro.

“The man was color blind and did not oppress peoples of color. At least the ones he didn’t put in jail. But they were probably capitalists.”

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