With the Oscars less than a week away it is my pleasure to interview the noted actor, singer, producer and humanitarian Will Smith.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Smith. Let me just say it is a pleasure to interview you.
WS: What did you mean by that? Are you disrespecting me?
MI: No. I just mean it’s a pleasure to interview you.
WS: Yeah, right. It’s people like you that stopped me from being nominated for an Oscar this year.
MI: Um, I’m not a member of the Academy.
WS: I know white privilege when I see it. Did you see “Concussion”?
MI: No I didn’t.
WS: Why? Because it starred a black man?
MI: No. I didn’t see it because it sucked.
WS: That’s racist! I wasn’t nominated and this is THE civil rights issue of the day.
MI:Um. I don’t think a black man worth 250 million not being nominated for an award is a civil rights issue.
WS: My people will overcome!
MI: Newsweek once called you the “most powerful man in Hollywood.”
WS: That was eight years ago! You cannot turn back the clock on civil rights!
MI:What the hell are you talking about? You’ve been nominated for five Golden Globes and two Oscars.
WS: If I were white I would have WON five Golden Globes and two Oscars!
MI:Whatever.
WS: This systemic racism in America makes me sad. So sad that sometimes I sit in the solid gold bathtub in one of the seven bathrooms in my 20 million dollar mansion and I cry!
MI: I see.
WS: And when I’m finished crying in one of my seven solid gold bathtubs I get on my private jet and fly to my private island in the pacific and cry some more.
MI:Well that’s about all the time I have.
WS: Wait you haven’t asked me about my plan to solve racism in America.
MI: Okay, what is your plan.
WS: I’ll start a black Oscars. We’ll start black everything. Black television networks. Black music award shows. Black sports leagues. A black major league baseball. A black NFL. A black NBA. A black PGA.
MI: A black PGA.
WS: Okay maybe not a black PGA but you get the idea. We’ll have a separate everything. Separate. Separate but…Separate but…dammit what’s the word I’m looking for?
MI: Equal?
WS: Yes! Separate but equal! That’s the phrase I’m looking for.
MI: Isn’t that segregation?
WS: That’s racist!
MI: Right. I’m out of here.
Touchy fella. Ain’t he. Oh well. Remember to watch the Oscars this Sunday.
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The Black Oscar will be called The Leroy, or the Tyrone…
That’s sexist. What about Ta’anique?
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