#Chokingiscaring

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing the former governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Spitzer.

ES: Whores!

MI:Um, what?

ES:Whores!  I love them!

MI: Okay I wasn’t going to start off with that but if you want to talk about that first –

ES: I’m not a big believer in foreplay.  Get to the penetration immediately.

MI:Well since you seem eager to talk about it, you were recently accused of choking a prostitute at the Plaza hotel in New York City.  This of course isn’t your first run-in with prostitutes.

ES: So. So I choked her!  What’s wrong with choking a prostitute? Where does it say that you can’t choke a prostitute?

MI:  Well –

ES: Wait a minute. I’m talking about a woman who’s a whore. I’m talking about a – a – a whore – a crooked whore  who got what was coming to her.

MI: I suppose – 

ES: Now that we got that out of the way can we talk about abortion?

MI: Sure.

ES: I’m a big supporter of female reproductive freedom, unlike the Republicans who seem to have a war on women.  And that means I get a pass on choking prostitutes.

MI: I’m not sure it works that way.

[Gloria Steinem enters] 

Free choking for pro choice activists!

GS: You leave Eliot alone!  He’s courageously pro-choice!

MI: But he does have a record of physical abuse towards women.

GS: So?  So? Eliot can choke me anytime.  Any man who supports abortion can choke me.

ES: Now you’re talking baby.  I know you want my hands around your throat you useless whore!

GS: Choke me!  Choke me!  In my humiliation is my strength!

[Spitzer grabs Steinem and starts to choke her]

ES: I want to see your face turn blue!  I want you to pass out!

GS: Choke me!  Choke me harder!  Choke me you courageous pro-abortion advocate! Oh, nice black, socks!

ES: It’s my trademark.

[Spitzer turns her over and pushes her face into the pillow as he prepares to penetrate her anus]

MI: Um.  Maybe I should leave you two alone?

ES: Yes.  Do that.  Take it all!  Take the mighty rod of client number nine!

GS: Go forth Manhattan Infidel.  Go forth and spread the word about the Republican war on women!

MI: Right.  I’ll just leave now.

GS: Gaack! 

[Steinem passes out]

ES: Bow down before my black socks!

Well that was weird.  And remember readers, it’s the Republicans who hate women.

(60)