His death is a great opportunity for Dear Leader

With the sudden death of justice Antonin Scalia over the weekend the potential makeup of the Supreme Court for years to come has been thrown into question. With the court split 5-4 on doctrinal issues an appointment by President Obama will throw the balance in favor of liberals.

With this in mind I hereby present a partial list of those rumored to considered for nomination by Obama.

Sri Shrinivasan 

Not goofy looking

At 48 he is relatively young and could sit on the bench for decades.  Also he is Indian. Which means he is a person of color. Which means he loves socialism. Also he isn’t as goofy looking as Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal who is also an Indian and person of color. But he doesn’t love socialism.

Jacqueline Nguyen 

Not a porn star

She’s Asian. That means she’s a person of color. And she’s a woman. A real woman. Biologically born that way. People who have taken showers with her in her health club swear by this fact: Her vagina is real and not a surgically altered penis. Also not a former porn star.

Paul Watford 

Possibly a black man

He’s black people! Really really black. Born that way. This has been confirmed. He’s not like that woman from the Seattle NAACP or the guy from Black Lives matter. And being black means he’s a person of color.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt 

Dead white socialist

Not a person of color but he is a socialist. Also he is currently dead which means President Sanders won’t have to worry about nominating another justice should he die.

Kobe Bryant 

A person of color. Maybe a socialist.

He’s a person of color! And since he is retiring will need a new job. Just be careful Kobe. Now that you’re no longer in the NBA the next time you rape a woman you might go to jail. Not quite sure if he’s a socialist but the fact that he’s a person of color will compensate for this infirmity.

Ellen Degeneres 

Not a person of color but she does reject heterosexual sex

Not a person of color but she is a lesbian. And having a lesbian on the Supreme Court will be important if they have a case about Asian lesbian porn. Also not a socialist but being a well-known lesbian will compensate for her infirmity.

Caitlyn Jenner 

Not a person of color but she is a trannie. Sadly at this moment she still has her penis

Also not a person of color but she is a transsexual. This makes her oppressed and sensitive to civil rights issues. Sadly she is pre-op and still has her penis but we at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ remain confident that one day doctors will slice her penis down the middle and fold it back upon itself creating an artificial vagina.

This guy 

Why is it illegal to be illegal? Also I have some Coronas. Want one?

I don’t know who he is. He isn’t a person of color but he is wearing a sombrero. That means he is sympathetic to legalizing undocumented Mexicans living in California and Texas. Also possibly a Corona drinker. That’s important. Granted not as much as being a person of color. Or having an artificial vagina. Or being a person of color with an artificial vagina. But it is important.

And there you have it readers.  A list of our possible next Supreme Court justices. May President Obama choose wisely.

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