Superman is cheating!

The 8th annual Superheroes Social ended abruptly after a brawl broke out among the attendants, forcing local police to break up the social and arrest several participants.

“It was the wildest thing I’ve ever seen” said a policeman called to the scene.

Police separated the combatants while trying to figure out how it began.  Apparently the trouble started during a game of poker when Batman accused Superman of cheating.

“He always wins” whined Batman.

He’s using his x-ray vision to cheat. He knows what my cards are! He says he’s not cheating but I don’t believe him. That’s why I clocked him. Ha! He never saw my right cross coming. Where’s your x-ray vision now Krypton boy?

Superman was treated by paramedics at the scene for a broken nose.

“He was pretty embarrassed” said an EMT.

Embarrassed. And bloody. And drunk. Boy was he drunk.  That’s why I say people shouldn’t drink at these things. Fights always start. Anyway Superman was threatening retaliation. “Nobody punches me! Nobody!” he kept saying over and over. We gave him a sedative to calm him down. Oh, and because he was drunk he had to go to the bathroom. That’s not a pretty sight.  The guy can leap tall buildings at a single bound so you can imagine how far his urine stream goes. People in the next town thought it was a rainbow.

The fight between Superman and Batman wasn’t the only trouble at the social.

“All these superheroes have pretty big egos” complained a cop.

The Hulk and Captain America got into it. Captain America kept taunting the Hulk saying that he wasn’t as patriotic as Captain America. Then he said that the Hulk wasn’t really a superhero just a “big green freak with anger issues.” Well that made the Hulk pretty angry. Last anyone saw of him he was running down the road destroying cars and saying “Hulk smash!”

And then there was the inevitable hook up.

“These superheroes are laden with testosterone.”

I mean it’s just a wonder we didn’t find more sexual activity. Thor and She-Hulk

One hot mama!

were going at it hot and heavy when we arrived.  I won’t get into details but she was on her knees and Thor was moaning “Service the hammer of Thor!  Service it all baby!” I’m a man and I don’t want to interrupt two consenting adults but it was in public! Kids might have seen them. They were both pretty sheepish though and She-Hulk did give me her number.

Thor, She-Hulk and Batman were issued desk tickets for disorderly conduct. Superman was not charged but taken to a hospital to have his broken nose set. The Hulk remains at large and a warrant has been issued for him.

“He should be pretty easy to find. We’ll just keep following the trail of smashed cars” said a police sergeant.

As for the owner of the park where the social was held, he vows never to invite the superheroes again.

“With all the fighting and public sex you’d think they were hip hop artists!”

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