Local Girl Comes Home From College Radicalized!

Down with men!

Down with men!

Local residents were concerned when one of their own, a former cheerleader, returned from college radicalized.

“I was shocked” said her neighbor.

I’ve known her since she was a kid. Always sweet, cheerful and friendly. She and my daughter were varsity cheerleaders together. But when she came to see my daughter I held the door open for her. She yelled at me and said I was violating her safe space and she resented my patriarchal privilege. Then she maced me. I’ve been maced before. I’m married to an Irish woman after all. Still I was surprised.

Her mother blames herself.

“I was the one who told her to major in feminist studies” she lamented.

She originally wanted to major in Home Economics.  I told her that she might make more money by being a feminist studies major. The major says “Studies” so that means it’s important. But when she came home I asked her if she could help me cook dinner for her father. She threw a tampon in my face and called me a slave. The next morning I caught her carving the turkey with a wire hanger. She said it was to symbolize the days when women didn’t have female reproductive freedom.

Police became involved when she stopped traffic on the street by taking off her top and shouting “My breasts are not yours to look at.”

“I must confess I didn’t understand the logic of this” said one of the officers called on the scene.

To take your top off and expose your breasts while holding a sign that says “My breasts are not yours to look at” just didn’t make any sense. Kind of like electing a socialist who will raise taxes to improve our economy. Anyway we arrested her. She spit on me and called me a “penis monster.”  I’ve been called worse.  We ignore it. It’s part of our training.

Released on bond and warned not to disturb the peace she went to an elementary school and  started handing out fliers to the children urging them to cut their penises off.

“Fortunately since this is the American education system none of the kids can read” said a teacher.

Reading, writing and math are old fashioned. We teach the kids about white privilege and guilt. It seems to help them realize that America is a racist country. We talk about the evils of capitalism also. Sometimes we have sex with the kids because love is love.

The last word belongs to her parents.

“We don’t understand what happened to our girl. This doesn’t represent mainstream feminism. Feminism is the ideology of peace!”


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    She may want to undergo the addadicktome surgery and then cut off her penis to assuage her white male guilt. Just saying…

  2. LSP says:

    “Fortunately since this is the American education system none of the kids can read”

    We must thank God for his mercy. Or have I got that wrong… we must ask God to smite them in his vengeful wrath.

    There, that’s better.

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