Please clap

With the primary finally upon him, a badly trailing Jeb Bush, attempting to garner last minute votes, dropped by a local old age home to get out the vote. The lucky recipient of Bush’s visit was the New Hampshire Home for Veterans.

Strolling confidently into the break room Bush addressed the assembled veterans.

“My pledge to you, I will be a commander and chief who has the back of the military” said the former Governor.

I won’t trash talk, I won’t be a divider-in-chief or an agitator-in-chief. I won’t be out there blowharding, talking a big game without backing it up. I think the next president needs to be a lot quieter but send a signal that we’re prepared to act in the national security interest of this country. To get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world.

Finishing his thinly-veiled swipe at Trump, Bush fell silent and waited for applause. And waited. And waited.

When the applause didn’t come Bush tried to jump start the clapping.

“Please clap. Come on please clap!”

Again he was greeted by silence.

“What the hell is wrong with you people. F*cking clap for god’s sake!”

“This is a f*cking amputee ward” shouted a resident.  “We can’t clap!”

“Well what about your legs?  Do you have legs?  How about stomping the floor for me?”

“I have no arms and legs you asshole” screamed another resident.

Sensing that he was losing the crowd the presidential candidate tried to deflect the tension with a joke.

“No arms and legs? Wife cut them off, eh? Women!”

“I stepped on a mine in Vietnam asshole!”

“Was it at the Chosin reservoir? That was a tough battle.”

“That was Korea you moron!”

The rest of the crowd started to boo Bush.

“Get the hell out of here you c*cksucker!”

Quickly the Secret Service stepped in and hustled the candidate away.

Hoping to minimize the damage Bush blamed the embarrassment on shoddy work by his advance staff.

“I take full responsibility for what happened” said Bush.

And by taking full responsibility I mean I am firing my staff.  No one told me these voters had no arms or legs. Sure it was an amputee ward but I didn’t expect real amputees. Why the hell can’t I get any plants like Hillary does at her events? This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a Republican. What?  I’m a Republican? Since when?

Bush’s new campaign manager announced that from now on all his campaign events will be restricted to those who have two or more limbs.

“In a perfect world we’d like them to have all limbs. Or at the very least three limbs and a cast. I mean we’re not even trying to get the amputee vote. Rubio has that locked up.”

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