Owner’s Manual for the MarcoBot 5000

Avoid placing your MarcoBot near water or open flames

Avoid placing your MarcoBot near water or open flames

Congratulations on your purchase!  You are the proud owner of a MarcoBot 5000, the latest and greatest in robotic technology. We here at the MarcoBot Corporation feel confident in saying that your new robot will give you years of pleasure. However there are certain things you must know about your MarcoBot beforehand.  Just follow our easy instructions and you will have no problems. Enjoy your MarcoBot!

Turning your MarcoBot on:

Unlike older models of robots our MarcoBot 5000 has no clumsy on/off switch. Instead place your MarcoBot in a sitting position and say in an audible voice, “Amnesty yes!”  Your MarcoBot is programmed to stand up, pump his arm in the air and say, “I think that’s something we can all agree on!”  Your MarcoBot is now ready to meet the day.

Note:  Some have written to us about the MarcoBot’s unfortunate tendency to go into a repeatable loop when the words “Chris Christie” are said within earshot (generally five feet for newer models). When in a repeatable loop the MarcoBot is not dangerous. Simply say the words “Close our borders” and your MarcoBot should recover from his loop and stop talking. If this doesn’t work however you may have to send him back to the factory. If he is still under warranty we will pay shipping and handling costs.

What can your MarcoBot do?

Perhaps you need to gain “Street cred” as they say.  Your MarcoBot can be useful for this. Simply take your MarcoBot into a Hispanic neighborhood and watch him work the crowds. Our MarcoBot contains up to 15 pre-programmed phrases such as “I’m Marco. I’m 100 Hispanic and [your name] is my best friend” and “Do not fear the progressive white man. He is here to help you.”

The MarcoBot can also be a reliable wingman for single owners.  Take the MarcoBot to a bar and watch him mingle with the singles. Just be careful to keep your MarcoBot away from alcohol.  If the MarcoBot becomes intoxicated he may call for an invasion of Cuba. While this is potentially embarrassing it is still better than earlier versions of the MarcoBot that, when intoxicated, would put on a sombrero and say “Ay Carumba!  I must swim across the Rio Grande!”

Can the MarcoBot do laundry, vacuum or other household chores?  Technically yes but we advise against it. Having a Hispanic, even a robot, do your household chores reeks of white privilege.

Will my MarcoBot overheat?

Doubtful. The MarcoBot 5000 comes with three state of the art heatsinks. One is located on his backside, one in his mouth and one on his larger than life ears, thereby ensuring heat will escape in a timely and reliable fashion. Your MarcoBot 5000 is one cool customer!

How do I order spare parts?

You will not need to.  The MarcoBot 5000 is solid state. This is a significant upgrade from earlier hybrid MarcoBot models.

Can I exchange an older MarcoBot for a newer model?

If your earlier version of the MarcoBot is still under warranty then yes. If his warranty has expired you will unfortunately have to pay full price for the MarcoBot 5000.

How do I turn my MarcoBot off?

The middle finger on each hand of the MarcoBot is the control switch. If you need to turn him off simply have the MarcoBot hold both middle fingers in the air.

Is the MarcoBot safe around children?

Children were frightened by the wooden, robotic appearance of earlier models. This has been fixed and your children should warm to him and view him as one of the family.

We feel that the MarcoBot 5000 will provide years of enjoyment for you and your family. If however you experience problems with your model not mentioned in this manual please call 1-800-notwinning.  Thank you.



4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Hasta la vista baby Hasta la vista baby Hasta la vista baby …

  2. LSP says:

    I was confused by the ears, aren’t we all! but of course, they’re heatsinks. Now it makes sense.

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