My Exclusive Interview with Bernie Sanders

Repent from your selfish capitalist ways!

Repent from your selfish capitalist ways!

American take their politics very seriously. It is our religion and our political leaders are our priests. In keeping with the American love of rough and tumble politics I am pleased to interview Democratic candidate for president, Bernie Sanders.

MI: Good afternoon Senator Sanders.

BS: Your greeting to me is elitist.

MI: Okay. So wishing you a good afternoon is elitist?

BS: It is comrade.  By wishing me a good afternoon your white privilege shows. Would you wish a person of color a good afternoon?

MI: Yeah, why not?

BS: But you probably wouldn’t mean it. You’d rather they died in wars overseas fighting for the white man.

MI: Better watch your mouth punk.

BS: If I am elected President no longer will the peoples of color be forced to fight the white man’s overseas wars.

MI: How would you accomplish that?

BS: I am a compassionate man Manhattan Infidel. I don’t kill our enemies. Drones. I’d have drones kill our enemies.

MI: Right. Let’s change the subject.  Would you describe yourself as a socialist?

BS: Yes. Totally.

MI: What is socialism?

BS: How much money do you have on you?

MI: 100 dollars.

BS: Give me 90 dollars.

MI: Why?

BS: I’m with the government that”s why.

[Bernie punches Manhattan Infidel]

MI: What the hell was that for?

BS: Socialism.  We’ll take your money and punch you in the face.

MI: That’s an admirably honest explanation. But I see our time is up. 

BS: Wait. There’s one more thing.

MI: What that?

BS: I reveal my inmost self unto my god.

[Bernie removes the mask he is wearing and reveals he is a radiation scarred mutant]

MI: What the hell?

BS: Glory be to the Bomb, and to the Holy Fallout. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. World without end. Amen. 

MI: You’re a radiation-scarred mutant!  Though I must say that’s not much different than the mask you usually wear.

BS: May the Blessings of the Bomb Almighty, and the Fellowship of the Holy Fallout, descend upon us all. This day and forever more.

MI: An atomic bomb is your god?

BS: The only thing that counts in the end is power! Naked merciless force! Compassionate and naked merciless force.

You know, maybe socialism isn’t such a bad thing. At least we’ll be more compassionate.



4 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    Combing one’s hair before appearing in public is racist as is sending out one’s Moe Ginsberg suit to be pressed.

  2. LSP says:

    I’ve often wondered if Bernie was a member of the Planet of the Apes mutant caste. Now i know. Thanks for that.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      But it’s a compassionate and progressive mutant caste.

      As a Catholic every time I watch the “liturgy” of the mutants i find myself saying “Vatican II ruined everything!”

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