I need pockets!

Batman announced today that he will be changing where he gets his Bat Suit dry cleaned.

“I bring my suit in twice a month to be cleaned” said the caped crusader.

The suit gets dirty with all the fighting. It’s important I intimidate. And I can’t do that if my Bat Suit is wrinkled and dirty. The clothes make the man. The suit makes the crime fighter. If I look good when I’m fighting crime I fight crime more effectively.

Batman’s relationship with his dry cleaners started to deteriorate after what has become known as “The Pocket Incident” in crime fighting circles.

“Bruce had a hole in one of his pockets that needed to be stitched up” said Robin, AKA Dick Grayson.

Bruce can’t sew and he won’t let me sew for him. He says it’s too weird. So he brings his Bat Suit in and tells them to stitch up the pockets. Instead the damn Chinese girl cuts the pockets off his suit.  Batman didn’t know until we were chasing the Riddler and caught him. Batman puts him in the batcuffs and puts the key in what he thought was his pocket.  Instead the key falls to the ground, the Riddler picks it up, uncuffs himself and runs away. Well needless to say we were both pretty embarrassed. Made us look bad. Commissioner Gordon wasn’t pleased either. He said he might start going to Superman. That ticked Bruce off something awful.

Batman might have been willing to overlook that incident if it wasn’t for “TicketGate” as it is known in crime fighting circles.

“I only have one suit. I have to cut corners and save money somewhere” according Batman.

So it’s very important that the suit not be at the dry cleaners too long. I’m on call 24/7 and its kind of hard to maintain a secret identity when you are dressed as yourself. People keep saying “Bruce are you Batman” and I have to say “No. We’re just friends.”  I don’t think they believe me.  I go to the dry cleaners and they don’t have my Bat Suit. It turns out they gave my Bat Suit to someone else! I started screaming how can you do that?  It’s a f*cking Bat Suit!  Who else has a f*cking Bat Suit?  What the hell am I supposed to do now? They mixed up the dry cleaning tickets. I had to go a whole week fighting crime as the duo known as The Guy in a Sports Jacket and Robin. The Penguin calls me the non-caped sports jacket guy now. I hate the f*cking Penguin.

Now outed as Batman, Bruce Wayne vows to find a new dry cleaner.

“They have to not cut my pockets and they had better get my suit back when I need it.”

Commissioner Gordon has announced that he will be using Superman exclusively from now on.

“He comes very highly recommended. And from what I see his Superman outfit has no pockets.”

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