California Reservoirs Diverted to Give Water to the Creature from Black Lagoon

This endangered species must be preserved.

This endangered species must be preserved.

Citing the need to strike “a balance” between the needs of its citizens and protecting a heretofore unknown species, Governor Jerry Brown ordered water from California reservoirs diverted to supply fresh water for the Creature from the Black Lagoon (the “Creature.”)

“This is a difficult decision I did not make lightly” said Brown.

Many farmers will be inconvenienced. Their farms will go dry and they will be bankrupt. On the bright side this gives them a chance to devote more time to hobbies. Or possibly take a few computer courses and get a job in Silicon Valley. And while they are learning new, more valuable skills the Creature will have fresh water that he needs.

After Governor Brown’s opening statement the Creature was brought forward to make a few comments.

“I’d like to thank Governor Brown and the EPA for making this day possible” he said.

After I left the Amazon and migrated here I was worried that I wouldn’t be welcome. Oh sure I did kill a few people but that was just a cultural misunderstanding. They thought I was a threat and I thought they were eastern European, possibly Hungarian. But that’s in the past. I came to California because I was guaranteed free healthcare and I was attracted by its climate. But there isn’t much water here.  I mean I can live on land but my skin gets very dry. And when my skin gets dry I get irritable and look for eastern Europeans to kill.

The Creature then promised to vote for Brown should he seek reelection.

Now that I am guaranteed access to water I will be bringing many of my fellow creatures up here to this promised land. With this State’s many sanctuary cities I know we will be welcomed. I am going to tell all my kind to vote for Brown and any Democrats running for office. I look forward to forging friendships with my fellow Mexican immigrants and as long as no eastern Europeans get in my way things should be fine.

Opposition to Brown’s plan to diver the reservoirs remains high however with the residents of the Inland Empire.

“We need the water. And Governor Brown can go to hell if he thinks we are going to stand by and let this happen” said a resident of Riverside County.

When asked about the controversy the Creature confessed ignorance.

I’m just a simple, poor humble piscine amphibious humanoid with skeletal hands and webbed fingers. I know nothing about American politics. Though I’m told that Republicans are racist. But I do know that Governor Brown is a compassionate man and I and my kind have all the water we need.  God bless Governor Brown.

There are plans to make a biography of the Creature.

“I can’t think of any other actor besides Hugh Jackman who has the good looks to play me” said the Creature.



2 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    Isn’t orange the new black?

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