Sun Continues to Warm Earth; World Leaders Vow Change

The racist Sun continues to deny the existence of global warmingSeveral world leaders, including President Barack Obama, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, Danish Prime Minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have vowed to take drastic steps to stop anthropogenic global warming, including taxing, fining or destroying the Sun.

“Every day and in every way our dear, sacred mother Earth is under attack” said President Obama.  “Greenhouse gas emissions are warming our planet to the point where soon island nations may be under water forever. Our coastal cities will be flooded.  Seas will become angry my friends.  And since the Republicans in Congress, in direct opposition to the rest of the civilized world, refuse to stop greenhouse gas emissions I have no choice but to go after the Sun.”

President Obama, with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid at his side, announced a series of sanctions against the Sun.

The Sun will have until June 1st to end its “terroristic global warming ways.”  If, after June 1st, the Sun refuses to play ball President Obama has ordered NASA to “shoot the Sun out of the sky.”

“I consider the Sun a friend” said Nancy Pelosi.  “Many of my friends like the Sun.  But the Republicans leave us no choice.  They seem to like fossil fuels.  They do not care about rising seas.  They do not care about the lives of thousands of peoples of color on island nations. ”

After Speaker Pelosi made her remarks President Obama closed the press conference by stating that “Americans are an insular bunch of people.  Many cling to  religion and guns and fossil fuels.  If only our population was as intelligent as Europe!”

He then announced that on June 2nd, “unless Republicans relent and pass cap and trade legislation” NASA will fire rockets at the Sun with the intent of ending its reign of terror.

From Tehran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called the Sun “a Zionist symbol and an enemy of Islam.”  Not wanting infidels to take credit for destroying the Sun Ahmadinejad has dispatched several of Iran’s top underwear bombers.

“May Allah blow their pants up.  May Allah blow the Sun up.”

The Sun could not be reached for comment though a spokesperson for the Sun said, “You think Earth is the only planet that can be warmed by us?  Well good luck to you but right now Mars is looking pretty damn good to us.”


4 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    “Seas will become angry my friends.”


  2. You know what’s funny? If they could, they WOULD do this very thing. Their audacity is incredible.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    The only thing stopping them is NASA would probably program the space probes in inches instead of the metric system and overshoot the Sun.

  4. Matthew says:

    This reminds me of the plot of Superman

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