Still More White House Gatecrashers Revealed

The House of Non Color in Washington D.C.On the heels of the embarrassment over the Salahi’s crashing a presidential dinner comes word that yet a third gate crasher was also at the event.

When asked why the person was let in, a Secret Service agent responded, “What was I supposed to do?  He was wearing a T-shirt that said ‘I am definitely not a gatecrasher.’  I believed the shirt.  You either have faith in humanity or you don’t.  I choose to believe.  Okay, okay, I may have been a little drunk.”

Odd as it sounds, this is not the first time there has been a security breach at the White House during wartime.

During World War II the White House was subjected to numerous security breaches by English Prime Minister Winston Churchill.

“He showed up one day with a suitcase and decided to move in.  The Secret Service was unaware of his presence for two weeks” says a Secret Service historian.

“Then one day we were wheeling Roosevelt down the hall and out pops a naked Churchill smoking a cigar.  The President was carried out of the danger zone and several agents had to tackle the still naked Churchill.  One agent, who was unfortunate enough to grab Churchill’s genitalia, later went insane and chopped his hand off.”

A concerned Roosevelt was led to believe that the naked fat man was character actor Sydney Greenstreet and not Churchill, who was hustled off to a local train station and told never to come back.

During the Civil War the White House was repeatedly breached by none other than Mary Todd Lincoln.

“She was known as ‘The Hellcat’ to security personnel who had strict orders to keep her away from the President.  Once an agent shot her but the bullet bounced off her metallic, reptilian skin.  She then used her retractable claws to slice up the agent.  After that she was pretty much left alone.”

And of course every student of history is familiar with the embarrassing incident during the War of 1812 when Dolly Madison’s lover turned out to be a British spy with orders to burn down the White House and steal President Madison’s platform shoes.

But have no fear say the Secret Service.  Security procedures in place today are much stricter.  No one gets into the White House without a background check.

“Dude, we’re very strict here.  No one gets past us.  Well, one time my girlfriend has this amazing pot so we let her in and smoked it together.  But other than that nothing escapes us…… you have cookies?”


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