Geico Spokesperson Eaten by House Cat

The beloved geico gecko talks insuranceIn shocking news today the beloved Geico gecko, long know for his advocacy of car insurance, was captured and sadistically, ritually tortured before finally being killed by a house cat.

Sources say that around 2:25 this afternoon as he was driving his car the gecko stopped and rang the doorbell of Mrs. Wanda Simmons, 75, a local widow who is known to harbor a feline killing machine called “Mr. Peebles”.  The gecko waved at curious neighbors and said “I want to talk about car insurance”.

As the door opened the gecko introduced himself to Mrs. Simmons and proceeded to expound on the many benefits of owning a particular brand of car insurance.  Suddenly Mr. Peebles emerged from the bushes, meowed menacingly at the gecko and with a quick swipe of his paw grabbed him and placed him in his mouth.  Neighbors gasped in horror as one of the gecko’s tiny arms hung outside. Witnesses say it appeared as if he was trying to punch Mr. Peebles in an attempt to distract the cat and have the killing machine release him.

Mrs. Simmons grabbed her cat by the scruff of the neck and said “Bad Mr. Peebles!”.  Mr. Peebles spit out the gecko and it seemed that the crisis had passed.  This hope proved premature.  After admonishing her cat to “play nice with the lovely gecko” Mrs. Simmons turned and walked back into the house and shut the door before the Geico Spokesperson had a chance to follow her in.  “I don’t know why she did that.  She’s very old. Perhaps she simply forgot about him” said a neighbor.  Whatever her reasons, it was too late for the gecko.  He turned and faced his tormentor, fear frozen on his face.  He attempted to make a quick dash to his car but was soon captured.  Mr. Peebles grabbed him again and placed him in his mouth, then took a leisurely stroll around the front yard.  He then spit him out and pawed him for awhile.  “That sadistic killer was toying with him” declared another neighbor.

The gecko, stunned, injured but still alive lay on the ground moaning.  Mr. Peebles stared intently at his prey.  Then he sprung into action, grabbed him and tore into the unfortunate gecko with his sharp teeth.  Neighbors looked on in horror as the gecko screamed “He’s eating me alive. Will someone help me?  I can feel my flesh being torn off my body”.

Then with one final bite Mr. Peebles tore the gecko in two.  He ate half of him before appearing to become bored, licking himself for several minutes and strolling away.

Police were called and immediately started searching the neighborhood for the brutal killer.   “We located Mr. Peebles sitting on top of a tool shed in the back yard.  He was sunning himself and appeared untroubled by his crime” said Officer Brophy.  “I approached with extreme caution hoping to apprehend the suspect.  He spotted me, hissed and attempted to flee when I maced him.  This temporarily disabled him.  I then placed cat handcuffs upon him and read him his rights.”

Ted Ward, Geico Vice President of Marketing, when informed of the gecko’s death released a statement that said “We at Geico are saddened and shocked by the brutal, violent death of our spokesperson.  He was a gentle soul who only wanted to sell affordable car insurance.  He felt by doing this he was helping improve the lives of working people”.

Geico plans to memorialize the fallen gecko by lowering insurance rates for first time car owners.  “He would have wanted it that way” said Ward.


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