The recent Swine Flu pandemic that has panicked the world has been traced to its point of origin – rock group Pink Floyd.  The W.H.O (no, not The Who, the ground breaking British rock quartet featuring Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey) but The W.H.O (World Health Organization) through their Director General Dr. Margaret Chan announced today that they have ordered the arrest of Dave Gilmour and Roger Waters.  “We have to hold them accountable” she told reporters at a bizarre press conference where she shaved off all her hair and her eyebrows, brushed her teeth and jumped up and down repeatedly.  “These people have been using giant pigs for 35 years.  This must stop.”

With much of the world and even the White House affected by the crisis reaction was swift to the announcement that the cause had been found.  Millions in Mexico ripped off their surgical masks and collected Pink Floyd CDs to burn in large public bonfires.  In Washington D.C. President Barack Obama pledged to work with The W.H.O.   In a reversal of policy the President stated “I will personally waterboard Gilmour and Waters.  Their terrorist actions have threatened the fabric of western society.”  Throughout the United States millions of recently arrested pigs breathed sighs of relief upon hearing that they were no longer suspects.  “There I was one moment a normal pig wallowing in mud enjoying myself, hoping to be adopted by George Clooney and the next thing I know cops arrested me, put me in handcuffs and brought me to a police station.  They put a bunch of us pigs in a line up.  I was identified as a suspect when the news broke that it was Pink Floyd’s fault.”  From Los Angeles a visibly relieved Porky Pig hoped he would now be able to get on with his life.  “My home has been firebombed.  My friends don’t talk to me.  Bikers held me down and forced me to eat bacon.  All because of some irresponsible British rockers! ”

But just as it seemed that all would be well, The Chairman of the Executive Board of The W.H.O., Mr Nimal Siripala de Silva denounced Chan’s press conference.   “Clearly she is suffering some sort of emotional breakdown.  I remember her when she was young.  She shone like the sun. Now there’s a look in her eyes, like black holes in the sky.  I think she’s been caught in the crossfire between childhood and stardom and blown on a steel breeze.”

The order to arrest Gilmour and Waters was rescinded but not before, in a case of mistaken identity, legendary filmaker John Waters was beaten to death by an enraged crowd.

Porky Pig has reportedly gone into hiding.

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