Fred, Wilma Flintstone to Divorce

Fred Flinstone at workThe tiny community of Bedrock was shocked today by the news that Fred Flintstone of Slate Rock and Gravel Company and his wife, the former Wilma Slaghoople have filed concurrent motions for divorce. Sources close to the couple say that there had been tension in the marriage for awhile now.

Fred was a regular Joe, just a beer drinking blue collar guy who worked at the gravel company and  liked to bowl and play golf”  according to next door neighbor and good friend Barney Rubble.

But Fred had a dark side.  He had a serious gambling addiction and the mention of the word “bet” would cause him to disappear for days while he gambled away his paycheck. During one sad binge Fred brought his young daughter Pebbles to a poker game and tried to use her to buy more chips.  Flintstone was also ousted from his lodge, The Loyal Order of Water Buffalos after stealing funds to finance a trip to Las Vegas.

“That was a sad day” according to Rubble.  “I brought Fred into the lodge.  He was my blood brother.  I had to give the deciding vote to oust him.  I just wish I could have helped him.”

Flintstone also had issues with intimacy and had become unable to satisfy his wife.

“Wilma needed cuddling and emotional support” says Betty Rubble, wife of Barney.   “Fred wasn’t good at talking about his feelings with her. She also was tired of Fred’s insatiable sexual appetite.”  Wilma eventually started to refuse sex.  Flintstone would then take out his frustrations with prostitutes in Bedrock’s red light district.

“Yeah, Freddie was well-known around here” said one prostitute who goes by the name of Ginger.  “He would take us to motels and scream ‘I’ll show you some bedrock’ during sex.  He could get quite rough at times.  Some of the girls didn’t like that but me, hey, a trick’s a trick.”

Things apparently came to a head when he came home from work one day to discover his wife and Betty Rubble in bed together. Both were naked and listening to Melissa Etheridge CDs. Flintstone then chased them out of the house before taking an axe and destroying most of the furniture.  Police were called and tasered him before arresting him. Wilma then got a restraining order and Fred moved into a motel downtown.  Attempts at reconciliation were unsuccessful.  Wilma sued for divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty while Fred counter sued, citing abandonment.

“It’s a real tragedy.  I wish they could have worked it out for the sake of their daughter” stated Rubble.  “Relationships are hard work and I guess they just weren’t meant to be together.”


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