For Many Zombies American Dream is Bitter Sweet

Many zombies face discrimination in America

Many zombies face discrimination in America

It is like many small towns in America.  It has a main street.  Church steeples dominate the skyline.  But there is one difference.  This small town has an immigration problem.  The past few years has seen an influx of zombies; more specifically, flesh eating zombies just like you see in the movies.

“Zombies first starting coming here a couple years ago” says Lloyd Nolan, who owns a barber shop in town. “We didn’t mind it when there was only a few of them.  But now there’s so many. They’re loud.  They only come out at night.  They eat human flesh.  It makes me miss the Irish.”

For zombies the reasons for immigrating sound familiar to many Americans:  A desire to better their standard of living  and live in freedom.

Only many found the doors closed.  No zombies need apply signs sprouted up around town.  As is the case in many instances, the cultural traditions of the immigrants conflicted with the intolerance, insensitivity and “American Triumphalism” of long time residents.

“We zombies are just like everybody else.  Except we’re dead.  And cursed.  And we eat  human brains”  said one zombie.  “We just want to practice our traditions and live in peace.  Why do the Americans hate us? It’s gotten so bad we are afraid to venture out of our houses.  The other day some American tried to kill me.  Sure I was eating his wife’s brain.  But did he have to shoot at me?  We could have dialogued.  This never happened when we lived in France.”

According to Roger Feeney, lawyer for the ACLU,  the zombies desire to eat human brain is protected by the First Amendment.   “Clearly this is an expression of their religious identity.  They have a right to eat brain when ever, where ever and who ever’s brain they want.    But it shouldn’t surprise me that they are subject to violence.  I have come to expect intolerance from “Red State” Americans.

Signs have sprouted on lawns in town:  “America for Americans.  Zombies move to California.”

“While I am hopeful for a solution to this problem” says Feeney, “I have advised my zombie clients to move to a country that is more tolerant of differing religious traditions, such as Germany.”

But perhaps the most poignant comment is by one  zombie: “They hate us.  They won’t give us jobs.  They  won’t let us live in their neighborhoods.  They won’t let us marry their women.  You’d think we were Irish.”


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