God Victim of Identity Theft

God addresses reporters

God addresses reporters

God announced today that, like many people, his identity was stolen.

“I was just stupid that’s what it is.  I wanted to take a vacation to the Bahamas so I booked a flight online.  It was going to be a father/son get together.  But when I got my bill there were charges on it that I knew did not belong to me.”

What happened to God is known as “identity theft.”  “Whenever you shop online you run a risk” according to Det. Frank Costello of the Web Crimes Division of the FBI.  “People think they are safe, but the moment you click ‘send’ your personal information is vulnerable to hackers.”

After receiving his latest credit card bill with the fraudulent charges, God contacted authorities. “God did the right thing.  He got in touch with us immediately.  This made it easier to track down the culprit.”

Police arrested Timothy Wayne, 18, of Valhalla, New York and charged him with credit card fraud.  Wayne apparently stole God’s information while hacking in his parents basement and used it to buy time on a pay per view porn site as well as fandango tickets and flowers for his girlfriend.

“Seriously dude, it was so easy.  His password was ‘heaven’.  I got that on my second try” Wayne told reporters while being fingerprinted.

Detective Costello offered the following tips to prevent further identity theft:

  1. Try using a password that will be difficult to guess, such as a random combination of numbers and letters
  2. Never use your name, birthday or address as a password.
  3. Before shopping online make sure the site you are on is reputable and has sufficient safeguards in place.

Wayne’s trial is set to start in a couple weeks.  If convicted he could be sentenced to 3 1/2 years in jail.

As for God, he has harsh words for the alleged thief.  “I can’t forgive him.  He made my life a living hell.  It cost me time and money to get the charges reversed and now my inbox is spammed all the time with offers for viagra, enzyte and subscriptions for ‘busty beauties’ and something called ‘locker room reamings.’   I feel so violated.”


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