Syracuse Orange change name to “Mellow Hues”

Traditional male Jim Boeheim

Traditional male Jim Boeheim

In an attempt to modernize their athletic department and reach out to opponents, Syracuse University announced that from now on its team name will be the Syracuse Mellow Hues.

“We think this is a positive development and way past due” says Professor of Feminist Studies Sara Marsh.  “For too long the male dominated field of men’s athletics has been consumed by bourgeois notions of victory.”

During tonight’s game Syracuse took the court wearing their new uniforms of sky blue, royal blue, brown, teal and some color that was identified as “peaceful burgundy” in the game program.

The sold out crowd seemed to appreciately the new philosophy and broke into chants of “Up with people” and “Make love not basketball.”

According to Professor Marsh “If we want to rehabilitate America’s image with the rest of the world we can start by eliminating competitiveness at home.  We can show people we value peace and harmony.  This is an exciting chance for abstract principles of hope and change to meet in the concrete arena of college sports.”

Indeed the game was stopped several times as Syracuse players hugged their opponents, some saying “I love you“, others “let’s not fight anymore”.

The only holdout was Coach Jim Boeheim who did not seem to appreciate the new philosophy and could be heard screaming at his players “What is this crap?  I’m trying to win a game.  Block the shot for Christ’s sake!  How about some god damn defense?”

Boeheim’s traditional male attitude did not sit well with fans, who focused their thoughts on the coach, turned him into a jack in the box and wished him into the cornfield.

After the game Associate Head Coach Bernie Fine addressed the media.  “While we will miss Boeheim we believe it was time for a new generational construct.”

“Sure we lost 97 – 2” said Forward Mookie Jones.  “I don’t care if this jeopardizes an NCAA berth.  Right now I just want to make the world a better place.”

A statement on Syracuse’s official athletic site said “We came to the game in a spirit of peace. We look forward to dialoging in the future with our opponents and gaining an understanding of their wants and values.”


2 Responses

  1. Ro says:

    Wow, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy. In honor of the athletes-formerly-known-as-the-Orangemen, I’m going to braid some sky blue, royal blue, brown, teal, and peaceful burgundy ribbons into my armpit hair now…

  2. Women Uggs says:

    Incredibly inspiring article, Thank you !?!

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