A local youth known only as “That pain in the ass FIOS kid” was found dead after he was reported missing by his parents. “The body was mutilated” said the sheriff. His eyes were cut out and his penis was cut off. He was also dressed in woman’s clothing. […]

              Disgraced and now ball-less former crime fighter McGruff is wanted by the FBI for questioning after a series of terrorist attacks struck the heartland of America. “We are declaring McGruff, formerly known as the ‘Crime Dog’ a person of interest” said FBI director Christopher Wray. The actions of […]

              Disgraced former crime fighter McGruff the crime dog’s reputation took a further hit today after he was forcibly sterilized in a last ditch attempt to cure his “wide pooping.” “This is a sad day for all fans of McGruff” said the doctor who performed the sterilization. Every time […]

              A series of public defecations that have left investigators baffled took a stunning turn when popular personality McGruff the Crime Dog was arrested after being caught in flagrante delicto defecating on a high school football field. “We chased him down and eventually corned him” said an arresting officer. […]

                    Hoping to cash in on the publicity surrounding the death of the child Alfie Evans at a Liverpool Hospital, the British Board of Tourism unveiled a new ad campaign with the catchy slogan:  “Britain: Come for the tea. Stay and watch us kill your child.” “Let’s […]

              When news first broke that Kate Blanchett and several other Hollywood stars including Sandra Bullock were getting so-called “penis facials” Americans naturally had questions. Can anyone offer their sperm to Kate Blanchett? Is the sperm regulated? What about our strategic sperm reserves? Given my duty as a blogger […]

            The end came today for the Mystery Machine and its colorful denizens when the van plunged off a cliff on the coast of California and fell 100 feet, killing all its occupants. “We had been tracking the mystery machine for some time” said a local sheriff. We didn’t approve […]

              Longtime Department of the Interior employee Smokey the Bear’s remains were found in a heavily burned out area of Acadia National Park in Northeast Maine yesterday, ending a week-long search for his body. “This is a sad day for all of us” said a rescuer. We had hoped […]

                      Protocol droid C-3PO met a horrific end today as a crowd of starving Venezuelans attacked, dismembered and melted him down to exchange his gold on the black market for food. “C-3PO was a compassionate droid” said his longtime friend Luke Skywalker. That’s why he was […]

                Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship Enterprise has been stripped of his command and ordered to report to Star Fleet to give account of the many crewmen who have died under his watch. Kirk maintains that the high death rate under his command is unavoidable. “Look […]