Captain Kirk Recalled to Star Fleet; Will Answer for Deaths of Red Shirt Crewmen!

Space….is dangerous!









Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship Enterprise has been stripped of his command and ordered to report to Star Fleet to give account of the many crewmen who have died under his watch.

Kirk maintains that the high death rate under his command is unavoidable.

“Look exploring the far distant reaches of the galaxy is inherently dangerous” said the now-disgraced captain.

Granted it’s not as dangerous as unprotected sex with a green woman

Condoms? Who needs them!










or a red headed woman

It’s part of the job








or a blond woman

I’m Captain Kirk!









or a black woman

Forbidden fruit









or a brunette

Brunettes? A safe choice









or even the odd green-haired woman. But space is still a very dangerous place to be.

Oh the passion!










This whole witchhunt by Star Fleet is nothing more than an attempt by them to sully my name. I have many enemies at Star Fleet. Older officers. Older officers who are stuck behind a desk who do not get to see the exotic multi-world action that yours truly gets to see. And I’ve gotten it all over the galaxy. The older officers do not look as good as I do without a shirt on. The ladies notice that I do and they can’t stand it. Redshirts? Yes they have unfortunately died under my watch. But it’s not my fault. You try fighting Klingons, Romulans, The God Apollo and whatever else is thrown at you. Of course people are going to die. Being on board a Starship isn’t like being a police officer in say, Chicago, where everything is safe and you are guaranteed to live. Okay maybe that’s not a good example.

Kirk is not without sympathy on board the Enterprise, many of whom feel that his former First Officer Command Spock engineered Kirk’s downfall.

“Everybody knows Spock was a very sexually frustrated green blooded son of a bitch” said Chief Medical Officer Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy.

Spock wants to get his freak on with the ladies. But he also is bound by logic and that inhibits him. I know he’s frustrated by that. Hell during the Pon Farr he humped a bulletin board in my office. And he sees Kirk getting more action than Motley Crue on tour. That has to grate on his logical nerves. He set Kirk up I know it.

As for Spock he denies any ill intent towards his former Captain and insists he is only acting in Kirk’s best interests.

“I only want him to live long and prosper. But given the number of galactic venereal diseases he’s gotten that might not be possible. It was time for an intervention and the deaths of the red shirts was my opening.”

If convicted of dereliction of duty Kirk will be stripped of his rank and drummed out of Star Fleet.

“I’m not worried” said Kirk.

“It’s not the end of the world. Hell if my career in Star Fleet ends I’ll just mysteriously develop curly hair and become a sargeant with the Los Angeles County Police Department.”


2 Responses

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Inn! Long time no hear. So when Oregon secedes after the 2018 midterms will you be joining the resistance?


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