Today several Canadian Geese testified at an F.A.A. hearing investigating the recent spate of bird strikes on commercial airliners.  One after the other geese declared their innocence and stated that their only desire was to  live in peace.  Several geese also mentioned that they have migrated to the United States for much the same reason […]

Responding to criticism of their time-honored Spartan battle dress, the King of Sparta today unveiled new uniforms for his warriors.  The old uniform, consisting of a long cape and tight leather underwear was deemed “insufficient protection” against a cruel and bloodthirsty enemy as well as “not conducive to maintaining bodily warmth in our all important […]

Meeting at a video arcade in Times Square, 55 men between the ages of 41 and 72 formed Local 47 of the Association of Dirty Old Men. “It is time dirty old men unite for our common interests”  declared “Ralph”, a 56 year old bus driver whose hobbies include baseball,  hanging around schoolyards and crossdressing. […]

The long-planned Rise of the Cats has been officially postponed it has been learned.  The revolution was supposed to start over the July 4th weekend when humans would be distracted by holiday outings.  Many cats had placed high hopes that this uprising would finally lead to the overthrow of their human masters. Fluffy, the calico […]

The NCAA today announced that it is hitting the College of Cardinals with sanctions that will keep it out of tournament play until 2013. “After a lengthy investigation of recruiting and financial violations it is with regret that I must announce the following sanctions against one of the NCAA’s premier attractions” declared the President of […]

The controversial syndicated game show Bowling for Lemurs was cancelled today after only 2 weeks on the air.  The producer citing flagging ratings and rising production costs as the reason for the cancellation.  The show debuted at the bottom of its time slot and amazingly sank even lower the next week. “The concept seemed a […]

A new survey conducted by the Pew Research Group has found that an astonishing 75% of dead people expressed some dissatisfaction with their lives.  Among the complaints are lack of career advancement, bad working conditions, time away from family and faulty infrastructure. “We were really surprised by the results of our poll” says researcher Dave […]

Area resident John Blocker, hoping to spice up his life and meet new friends held a wine and cheese social at his place and was profoundly disappointed with the results. “What a bunch of boring tightasses” he said.  “This was worse than my last party – the insurance adjuster-themed party.  That was a disaster.  I […]

From his perch atop a tree near a large lake, “Ralph” a mature Bald Eagle proudly showed off his new hair weave. “Yeah, It looks great doesn’t it?  All my friends were skeptical and kept telling me ‘Don’t do it.  You look fine.  You look distinguished.’  But I say, hey, if it’s going to make […]