Game Show “Bowling for Lemurs” Not a Ratings Success

Captured lemurs about to be won in a game showThe controversial syndicated game show Bowling for Lemurs was cancelled today after only 2 weeks on the air.  The producer citing flagging ratings and rising production costs as the reason for the cancellation.  The show debuted at the bottom of its time slot and amazingly sank even lower the next week.

“The concept seemed a good thing at the time” said the show’s producer.  “I was sitting home one night watching the Bowling Channel, because that’s what producers do in their spare time, and I thought Bowling for Dollars is okay but why not update it and make it edgier, hipper and attract a younger audience.”

After brainstorming all weekend the idea was born.  Only it was originally called “Bowling for Alligators.”

“I thought this would be a hip show young people would like to watch.   But in preproduction one of the alligators ate a contestant.  As I was watching the alligator crawl away with the leg in his mouth I figured insurance would be too expensive so I grabbed a dictionary and opened it and placed my finger on a word for the new title, because that’s how producers do things, and lo and behold my finger was on the word lemur.”

A trip to Madagascar was necessary to round up thousands of lemurs for the show.

“It was difficult to round up the little buggers because the natural habitats of lemurs are forests.  So I had to burn down thousands of acres of forest, and again, as a producer I’m used to doing this, to drive the lemurs out.”

Placing the animals in restraints inside cardboard boxes and shipping them to the United States significantly drove up the cost of production.   Once onsite the lemurs proved unreceptive to the director’s commands, would not hit their marks and defecated on the set.

“I’m a producer so I’m used to that sort of behavior from supermodels, but not wild animals.”

The lemurs also made a habit of jumping on audience members and digging their claws into their scalps eliciting screams and much blood.

“As a producer screams and bloodshed do not bother me.   I’ve worked with David Caruso after all.   I could have lived with it if the ratings were better, but they weren’t.”

So Bowling for Lemurs is history, going the way of the Chevy Chase Show, the Rosie O’Donnell Variety Hour and anything starring Don Rickles as the worst failure in the history of television.  But the producer is not discouraged.

“I’m already retooling the format.  The show will be back in the fall as ‘Bowling for Compound Fractures.’  I’m confident  it’ll be a huge success.   I’m a producer after all.  I know what the American people want.”


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