Dirty Old Men to Unionize

A dirty old man crossdressesMeeting at a video arcade in Times Square, 55 men between the ages of 41 and 72 formed Local 47 of the Association of Dirty Old Men.

“It is time dirty old men unite for our common interests”  declared “Ralph”, a 56 year old bus driver whose hobbies include baseball,  hanging around schoolyards and crossdressing.

“Being a dirty old man is a thankless task but somebody has to do it.  And we are good at it” Ralph continued as he brought the meeting to order.

Among the items on the agenda were health care for dirty old man related injuries, collective bargaining with online chat rooms and the creation of a “Dirty Old Man” Hall of Fame.

A survey conducted found an astonishing 83% of dirty old men have carpal tunnel syndrome from hours spent online cruising chat rooms looking for college age girls who look like Megan Fox.  51% have some broken bones from beatings at the hands of police officers during failed attempts to hire prostitutes and 39% have some form of venereal disease or a combination of several different venereal diseases.

“These medical conditions are expensive, painful and sometimes humiliating.  The long-term costs of carpal tunnel syndrome are enormous.  It is often humiliating to have to explain to a spouse why you were beaten by police while wearing nothing but a trench coat.  Medical insurance will help with psychological damage.  Why just last week when running from an undercover officer I thought was a prostitute I had to duck into an alley and hide in a urine and feces encrusted cardboard box used as shelter by a homeless man.  This ruined my Armani shoes.  Another important part of our medical insurance will be privacy.  Obviously many of our members do not want their wives to know how they contracted V.D.”

The newly formed Local 47 of The Association of Dirty Old Men will also have a collective bargaining agreement with online chat rooms.

“Lets face it.  Competition is tough.  Many younger men are now cruising chat rooms seeking ‘asian goddesses’, ‘repressed catholic school girls’ or “girls who like to dress as french maids.’  We just want to ensure that our members will always have fair access to these rooms and any and all pictures the girls of their own free will may want to share.”

A controversial topic was broadening membership in the Local.  Many dirty old women had petitioned to join.  Eventually after much discussion it was decided to allow women members, but only if they were between the ages of 18 and 32 and willing to “experiment with other younger women.”

The proposed Hall of Fame for Dirty Old Men, to be located in Highland New York “just off the thruway next to the Motel 8″  drew great enthusiasm from many members.  The first to be nominated by universal acclamation was a 69 year old from New Jersey who goes by the screen name of “Colonel Long Shanks.”  Colonel Long Shanks is something of a legend among dirty old men and is credited with being the first person to enter a chat room and convince a college girl to send him nude photos of herself.

“Up until then most of us were still hanging around school yards asking girls if they liked candy.  He showed us a whole new world for dirty old men.  He’s a legend and an innovator.”

Colonel Long Shanks is also credited with being the first person to use Photoshop to crop a picture of his face onto another photo of a naked man and send it to women, claiming that the  photo was actually of his body.

Shortly after Colonel Long Shanks was nominated the meeting was broken up by police who arrested all members.


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