Two Palestinian gunmen opened fired in a crowded restaurant in Tel Aviv, killing four and injuring sixteen. As of this writing no motive has been discovered for the shooting. However police think that perhaps the gunmen were inspired by Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump’s war on Hispanics. “We believe this explanation fits the facts” said […]

Pope Francis shocked the world today by announcing he is leaving the Catholic Church and converting to Rastafarianism. “We should have known. The signs were all there” said a veteran Vatican watcher. The trip to Jamaica. The love of Bob Marley. He kept visiting the Vatican library and asking for books on Haile Selassie. The […]

With enough delegates to win the nomination, our country’s presumptive 45th President Hillary Clinton addressed her supporters after the California primary. Flanked by her husband, the 42nd President Bill Clinton and their daughter Chelsea, Mrs. Clinton laid out her compassionate program for the future of America. My fellow Democrats. I am now your nominee for […]

Lieutenant Commander Data of the Starship Enterprise announced that he has upgraded his positronic brain to Linux. “I believe this will result in a faster, more efficient, more reliable me” said Data. While my brain does contain 100,000 terrabytes of hard drive space, which is in and of itself a lot, I had to divide it […]

Tragedy struck today as a distracted mother allowed her four-year old son to climb down into the orchestra pit of a theater, gaining access to the musicians. “I heard a scream” said a person who was sitting near the pit. Then the mother started crying, “My baby! He’s in the orchestra pit!”  We didn’t know […]

And now for the conclusion of my award-winning series highlighting Gotham’s 31 shades of gender. Read it and weep you hicks who live in towns with only two recognized genders. Two-Spirit An Indian who self-identifies as a native American who self-identifies with both the masculine and feminine genders, as in “Hey, that Elizabeth Warren (pictured […]

Yesterday I started my list of the officially recognized 31 genders in New York City. Today I continue the list for you, my readers, because I care. (Okay, I drank a lot of pomegranate juice and I have to do something while I wait for my bowels to move.) Male to Female A male to female […]

Ever in the forefront of the progressive movement, the New York City Commission on Human Rights has issued a list of 31 recognized genders businesses have to be aware of. Those who don’t accommodate a person’s chosen gender identity will risk six figure fines. As a service to businesses in New York who want to […]

Fresh off an appearance in Hiroshima where he apologized for dropping the bomb, President Obama continued his farewell apology tour by going to the continent of Antarctica and apologizing for climate change. Standing in 30 below zero temperatures the President looked out at a frozen wasteland, a tear streaming down his face. I stand here in […]

The Department of Justice today ordered the National Park Service to cut down all trees in Federal parks within two months or face fines of up to $200,000 per day for non-compliance. “It’s a matter of social justice” declared Attorney General Loretta Lynch. Our parks are filled with trees. Black people were lynched on trees. […]