I’m sorry. Oh so sorry.

Fresh off an appearance in Hiroshima where he apologized for dropping the bomb, President Obama continued his farewell apology tour by going to the continent of Antarctica and apologizing for climate change.

Standing in 30 below zero temperatures the President looked out at a frozen wasteland, a tear streaming down his face.

I stand here in the world’s largest desert.  A world that was once a temperate paradise. Below a two-mile thick sheet of ice lies frozen rivers, lakes and once green fields. But now Antarctica is as inhospitable to human life as Detroit or Chicago. All because of climate change. Republicans and other deniers of climate change need only come and stand where I am standing right now. They would no longer be able to deny the science. On behalf of the United States I apologize to the microbes of Antarctica for our role in climate change.  I also want to apologize for our treatment of the alien organism that crashed onto Antarctica, was frozen in ice pack for hundreds of thousands of years, was thawed out and attacked by citizens of the United States.

This innocent creature was thawed out and attacked by Americans

That is so typical of our country and the American desire for conquest. What did this creature ever do to us? Well he did snap that guys arms off but he was just protecting himself.  

This is the natural result of American aggression. It creates more enemies.

Perhaps if there had been some Muslims in that American group they would have welcomed the alien immigrant with arms open wide. Arms that would not have been snapped off.

Another innocent alien reacts to American aggression

Perhaps if our group in Antarctica weren’t composed of typical white folk the alien would not have felt threatened. This is the natural result of American aggression. It creates more enemies. If any aliens are listening I want them to know that in the final months of my Presidency they shall be welcome. In fact I am unilaterally declaring amnesty for all aliens in Antarctica who may have snapped off American arms.  So to recap. Climate change turned Antarctica from a temperate paradise to a frozen wasteland. I also want to apologize for American treatment of aliens. It’s racist. America is still trying to overcome its racist past and as events in Antarctica have shown we still have a ways to go. Thank you and good night.

His speech ended, the President boarded a chopper that took him to a nuclear powered air craft carrier off the coast. From there he plans to visit several other countries to apologize.

“I want the whole world to know how ashamed I am to be an American” said the President.

He then fundamentally transformed himself into an alien

President Obama fundamentally transforms himself

and ate the crew of the carrier.

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