People of Earth, I am your friend!

With enough delegates to win the nomination, our country’s presumptive 45th President Hillary Clinton addressed her supporters after the California primary.

Flanked by her husband, the 42nd President Bill Clinton and their daughter Chelsea, Mrs. Clinton laid out her compassionate program for the future of America.

My fellow Democrats. I am now your nominee for President and you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. The universe grows smaller every day, and the threat of aggression by any group, particularly groups of armed white males, can no longer be tolerated. There must be security for all, or no one is secure.  There must be disarmament for all, or the State will not be secure.

Now, this does not mean giving up any freedom, except the freedom to act irresponsibly or believe there are only two genders. Also any freedom we at the State deem unnecessary. For that is the bargain of the Constitution. The State granted you citizens rights which we have the right to take away as circumstances dictate. Your ancestors knew this when they made laws to govern themselves and hired policemen to enforce them. We, of the other planets, I mean the State, have long accepted this principle.

We have an organization for the mutual protection of all peoples and for the complete elimination of aggression. It is called the NSA.  The test of any such higher authority is, of course, its moral authority. That is why the State must have all power. Its function is to patrol America and preserve the peace.

In matters of aggression, we have given the NSA absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first sign of violence, they act automatically against the aggressor. As long as the aggressor is a white male of northern European origin who does not work for the State.

The penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk. The result is, we live in peace, without arms or armies, except for the State, secure in the knowledge that we are free from aggression and war.  Free to pursue more… socialist and compassionate enterprises.

Now, we do not pretend to have achieved perfection. Many white men are still armed and they refuse to worship the State. But we do have a system, and it works.

I came here to give you these facts. It is no concern of ours how you run your local governments, but if you threaten to extend your violence, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder which only wind farms can save.

Your choice is simple: join us in the Democratic elite and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.

Klaatu Barada Nikto!

And with those words Mrs. Clinton disappeared in a beam of light.

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