Lieutenant Commander Data of Star Fleet Upgrades to Linux!

Linux is the way to go!

Linux is the way to go!

Lieutenant Commander Data of the Starship Enterprise announced that he has upgraded his positronic brain to Linux.

“I believe this will result in a faster, more efficient, more reliable me” said Data.

While my brain does contain 100,000 terrabytes of hard drive space, which is in and of itself a lot, I had to divide it over five partitions because of the built-in inefficiency of my Windows operating system. Strange that in the 24th Century Microsoft hasn’t overcome that obstacle. Next time I unfreeze Bill Gates I’ll ask him about that.

While Data’s brain was technically RAID 5 and in the event of hardware failure in one partition no data would be lost, Data still considered this inefficient.

I did a lot of research on alternative operating systems. The Klingons have an interesting system that I considered but I’d have to be beaten repeatedly with a bat-leth and pledge loyalty to the House of Worf, which I didn’t want to do. I then considered a Ferengi operating system but there was no warranty.  They said a warranty was against their rules of acquisition. So that’s when I decided to upgrade to Linux.

One a Red Hat license was bought Data backed up his existing data and began the upgrade.

I was a little surprised at first that there was no graphical interface. But I was told that was for security reasons. Even if I did a runlevel 5.  Okay, so I can respect that. Right now I’m boning up on my BASH scripting. This should be a piece of cake.

Once fully upgraded Data was amazed at how much more efficient he operated.

Under my old Windows system my brain would occasionally get fragmented, which led to performance issues and slower seek times. But with Linux I don’t have that problem. See, I can even use contractions now and I wasn’t able to do that with Windows!  The btrfs file system is the way to go!

The only complaint Commander Data has with his new OS is the reaction of others.

Whenever I tell anyone that I upgraded to Linux they ask me if I mean Unix. No, I mean Linux. No one knows the difference. Others now consider me a nerd. Commander Riker doesn’t share his Alpha quadrant porn collection, the most extensive in the galaxy, with me anymore because he says that as a nerd I wouldn’t appreciate it. Captain Picard keeps asking me if I’m Ubuntu or CentOS then he giggles. He thinks he’s being funny. I may be an android but I know bad humor when I hear it.

Still despite being shunned by his coworkers on the bridge of the Enterprise, Data has no plans to go back to Windows.

Linux is open source so I get upgrades to my kernel practically every week. That’s important to me. Not as important as pleasing Tasha Yar but close to it. Also I get to go to Linux conferences around the quadrant. It’s fun meeting people of my kind. No, not androids. Nerds.  I might as well embrace being a nerd. I’m wearing my nerd flag high as I believe they say.

Data also plans to upgrade his cat Spot

Spot you will be much more efficient with a Linux brain

Spot you will be much more efficient with a Linux brain

to Linux at the earliest opportunity.

“That’s assuming her kitty brain can take the processing power.”


2 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    I’m still using a wooden clothespin to hold the baseball card on my bicycke spokes giving me that rat a tat sound when I’m pedaling. I refuse to upgrade to a plastic clothespin!

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>