Like Howard Johnson’s 50 flavors, New York City has many identity flavors to choose from

Ever in the forefront of the progressive movement, the New York City Commission on Human Rights has issued a list of 31 recognized genders businesses have to be aware of. Those who don’t accommodate a person’s chosen gender identity will risk six figure fines.

As a service to businesses in New York who want to be sensitive to people’s feelings (and not get fined) I now present this hand list of recognized genders.

• Bi-Gendered

A bi-gendered individual identifies as both genders or feels that he or she may have two separate genders residing in their body. Now this is assuming there are only two genders. Seeing as their are 31 genders those who self-identify as “bi” gendered are in fact racist, sexist homophobes. All true New Yorkers should be disgusted by the bi-gendered and spit on them when they see them.

• Cross Dresser

A cross dresser is of course a person who wears makeup and clothing that are considered appropriate for the other gender. Once looked upon favorably (see Milton Berle and David Bowie) cross dressing is now considered a hate crime since a cross dresser is a coward who refuses to go the extra mile by taking hormones and amputating external genitalia.  I spit on these despicable cross dressers.

• Drag King

A Drag King is a person who feels a connection to male or masculine identity while wearing masculine clothing, either in a performance space or everyday life.  (Editors note:  Holy shit I think I’m a Drag King!)

• Femme Queen

As near as I can figure out, a femme queen would be a queen who is female. This person is a femme queen.

A femme queen

This person is not a femme queen. 

Not a femme queen

• Female-to-Male

This is a controversial phrase. Many reject is because it implies only two possible gender choices and that the category female-to-male should be replaced by “Non penis-to-androgynous-to-gender blender-to-gender gifted-to-non binary transgender androgyne-to-gender fluid-to-two spirit-to-third sex-to-bi-gendered-to-butch.” We at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ for editorial reasons will continue to use the phrase female-to-male as it means less to type.

• FTM

I believe FTM were the faster than light engines used on the TV show Battlestar Galactica from 2004 to 2010.  If so why it is considered a gender I do not know. I’ll have to research this issue further.

• Gender Bender

A gender bender is an individual who bends, changes, mixes or combines society’s gender conventions (Editor’s note:  They have their own conventions? What city is it held in? Who are they nominating for President?) by expressing elements of masculinity and femininity together.  See David Bowie. 

Americans are so bourgeois!

• Gender Queer

This is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity is outside of, not included within, or beyond the binary of male and female. Think of Disney’s courageous Gender Queer personality Goofy.

My external genitalia or lack thereof does not define me!

I will continue my listing of all 31 genders in future posts. Until then, do not let your external genitalia or lack thereof define you!

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