Speedy Gonzales Opposes Border Wall!

Arribe! Arribe! Andale! Andale!

Noted Mexican nationalist Speedy Gonzales today announced his opposition to President Trump’s plans to build a border wall between the United States and Mexico.

“Zee wall ees racist” said Speedy.

Speedy ees a citizen of zee world. Speedy no believe in borders. Speedy like to roam around zee Mexico – Texas border looking for zee seely pussy cats. Zee seely pussy cats no believe in border either.  Zee silly pussy cat chase me around but he no getta me. Speedy too fast for zee pussy cat, si.

With Ricardo Montalban dead and Salma Hayak married to a white man, Speedy Gonzalez remains the most famous Mexican in north America. Naturally his opinions on the border wall carry much weight.

“We look to Speedy as a, no strike that, as THE representative of the Mexican people” said MSNBC president Phil Griffin (pictured here).

MSNBC president Phil Griffin

Every time I speak to Speedy I find myself being enlightened. His wisdom of color makes me a better person. Truly I am ashamed to be an American. We could all learn from the wisdom of color that lies below our southern border.

Appearing on Andrea Mitchell Reports, Speedy cemented his reputation for wisdom and plain speaking.

Andrea Mitchell: Speedy on behalf of Americans I apologize for Donald Trump.

Speedy Gonzales: He eeeez zee bad man.  More bad than zee seely pussy cat

Andrea Mitchell: I would have voted for zee seely pussy cat over Donald Trump.

Speedy Gonzales: Zee bad man make me sad for America. He is seely like zee seely pussy cat.

Andrea Mitchell: Why can’t we have your dignified wisdom in America?

Speedy Gonzales: Eet is mee especial Latino wisdom.

Andrea Mitchell: As a white person I lack that, sadly.

House minority leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), pictured here,

House minority leader Nancy Pelosi

has announced that she has extended an invitation to Speedy to address a joint session of Congress.

“In these dark times when we have an illegitimate President, Speedy will be a ray of sunshine” said Pelosi.

Many people in the United States who don’t live by the border oppose a border wall. But as of yet we don’t have a champion who can articulate why the wall is bad.  Zee wall eees seely, as Speedy might say. I hope our friends on the other side of the aisle will be, despite their hatred of brown people, properly respectful during Speedy’s address.

President Trump remains unmoved by the straight-shooting wisdom of Speedy Gonzales and vows to step up border enforcement for those entering the United States illegally.


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On the run from border patrol and fearing arrest and deportation, Speedy Gonzales has sought refuge in the sanctuary city of San Francisco.

“Ees mucho frio een San Francisco” said the now-safe Speedy.

“Me no like frio y San Francisco eet feeled with homosexuals. Speedy no like homosexuals.”



6 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Trump has struck a deal with Schumer who proposed he will succumb to Trump’s wall as long as it runs north and south between the Salton Sea and Tiajuana. Trump agreed saying this deal is a greater achievement than refurbishing the Wolman Skating Rink in a record 72 hours.

  2. LSP says:

    Did you notice Speedy’s last line? It was especially wise, and the photo of Nancy Pelosi was pretty sharp too. Thanks, Infidel!

  3. Petermc3 says:

    Speedy esta homophobicalitos I theeenk.

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