United States Invades Belgium!

Bow down before me!

Bow down before me!

Seventy years after World War II, Belgium was once again invaded by a foreign occupying power.  President Obama arrived in Belgium with an army of 900 people, 45 vehicles and three cargo planes.  U.S. helicopters flew over the Capitol of The Hague and Secret Service agents patrolled sewers and hospitals looking for resistance fighters.

As frightened citizens hovered inside their homes, the President, surrounded by Secret Service agents, patrolled the streets of the conquered Capital.

“Citizens of Belgium I come in peace” declared the President.

I come in peace as a representative of the United States.  I, my entourage of 900, the 45 armored vehicles, three cargo planes and helicopters that hover overhead are here for one reason:  To reinforce the historical ties between the United States and Belgium.  We could not stand by any longer in America while the Belgium-ish people cried out for American intervention.  I am sending a bill of annexation to the congress back in Washington.  This annexation is in the best interests of both our peoples.  Once you are American citizens you will be able to go to the Affordable Care Website and sign up for free healthcare.  Just remember the deadline is March 31st, or April 15th.  Or maybe later.  Hell, the deadline is whatever day I say it is. Anyway, I am proud to have all of you as new Democratic voters.

Despite Obama’s outreach to the new American citizens, many in Belgium are already resenting their heavy-handed new overlords and report being terrorized by the Secret Service.  Said one resident:

His private security force are always drunk.  I saw one passed out in the lobby of a hotel.  At first I thought it was George Lopez or Keifer Sutherland but when I woke him up he pointed his revolver at me and said he’d shoot my Luxembourgian ass. 

Others resent the demand that they sign up for the Affordable Care Act.

This is Belgium.  Not the United States.  We don’t have a Supreme Court that says we can be forced to buy a product.  This is a free country!

Still more worry about the economic costs of the Occupation.  It is estimated that Belgium spent ten million Euros just for the President’s short two-day stay announcing the occupation.

Back in Washington press secretary Jay Carney tried to put a positive spin on events.

President Obama is a compassionate socialist.  Under his leadership the American debt has reached historic levels.  And this has led to a booming economy.  He simply wants to redistribute that insupportable debt and economic recovery to Belgium.

However many believe the true reason for the annexation is to keep distance between the President and Mrs. Obama.

“It’s no coincidence that when she’s in China he leaves Washington” said a White House insider.  “Boy will she be surprised when she gets back and he’s nowhere to be seen.”

From his suite on the 27th floor of the Hilton President Obama denies these rumors.

“Hey, I just want to finish my waffle in peace.”



2 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    The chicken fried steak’s not bad either.

  2. But I thought Belgium punched above its weight class. Our President is one tough cookie Imagine walking around a just conquered country with only a bunch of drunken Secret Servicemen for protection.

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