Subjects must be deferential.

Living in a republic as we do I’m sure one thing all Americans miss is the sheer joy of showing deference to a royal family.  The proprieties at all times, so to speak.

But not to fear serfs of America! We have the Obamas! For Michelle Obama and her mother are doing their best to bring royalty back to America.  After all, doesn’t a vacation at taxpayer expense at the Westin Beijing Chaoyang hotel in a 3,400-square-foot masterpiece including a private steam room, ‘corner sofas with silk pillows,’ and in-room dining for six make us all proud to live in a fundamentally transformed America?

And so I now present the Michelle Obama Vacation Template™. (Michelle Obama vacation template void where prohibited by law.  Michelle Obama vacation template not valid with any other offers, including but not limited to the Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal at Burger King.)

I’ve worked hard all year.  I deserve a vacation!

1. Work?  Work is for serfs
2. I am the First Lady!  I shall go wherever and whenever I want!
3. A vacation is my right!
4. Republicans think I don’t have the right to fly around the world on the taxpayer dime.  America is a downright mean country!

Like all Americans I try to save up my money so I can afford that dream vacation

1. Like all Americans I fly for free on Air Force one.  That reduces the cost of my vacation

2. Like all Americans I stay for free at sumptuous five-star hotels.

3.  I mean, I deserve it. I’m the First Lady!
4. Anyone who complains that I stay at $8,350 a night hotels is racist.

Like all Americans when I travel the Secret Service has to kick other guests out of the hotel rooms they paid for.

1. Yes, this is regrettable.  But security must be maintained
2. I mean, what if a common person disturbs me?
3. The proprieties must be observed at all times.  As the First Lady I am naturally more important than anyone else
4. Some of the people the Secret Service displaced had the temerity to complain!  And many don’t even speak English!

As the First Lady, when I travel abroad I look upon it as an opportunity to show other nations the values of America.

1. What says a constitutional republic more than conspicuous consumption and arrogant feeling of entitlement?
2. I want that double Soy Latte now, bitch!  I know you speak English!
3. Don’t make me send a drone strike on the hut you live in!
4. Double.  Soy. Latte. Now!  Don’t look at me!

You’ve  handed me a bill.  Why?

1. The American people, out of the deferential love they feel for me are picking up the tab
2. A bill?  Seriously? Is this resort owned by Republicans? Obviously you believe in vacation inequality!
3. For your insolence I have already ordered the Secret Service to genitally circumcise your daughter
4. I know you speak English, bitch!

Once again I’d like to thank Mrs. Obama, her daughters, her mother and the Secret Service for showing us why we are so loved around the world.  And remember readers, fight income inequality!

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