The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part VIII)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack went unto Camp David.

And the RINOs and other Republicans bring unto him a woman taken in adultery; and they set her in the midst.

And said to him: Master of the Constitution, this woman was even now taken in adultery.

Now many red states which we represent have laws against such a one.  Even in a blue state such as New York adultery is still technically against the law.  But what sayest thou?

But Barack bowing himself down, bypassing Congress wrote with his pen unilaterally on the ground.

When therefore they continued asking him he lifted himself, and said to them:  Monogamy is sexist and a tool of the patriarchy.

But they hearing this, went out one by one, probably because their bourgeois minds could not comprehend.

Then Barack, lifting up himself, said to her:  Woman, where are the people using outdated 20th Century standards of morality that accused thee?  Hath no Republican condemned thee?

Who said:  No man, Lord President.  And Barack said:  Neither will I condemn thee.  Go, and pick up your birth control that my administration is providing for free.

Again therefore, Barack spoke to them, saying:  I am the light that reduces sea levels:  he that followeth me, walketh on dry ground, for the sea levels have receded.

And again Barack said to them:  You judge according to the flesh:  I judge not any man.  And if I do judge, my judgement is true:  because I am President and have a pen and a phone and can do whatever I like.

They said therefore to him:  Where is thy Father?  Barack answered:  Neither me do you know, for I am sexy and mysterious, nor my father.  Come to think of it I don’t know my father either. He split town when I was young.

These words Barack spoke in the Treasury Department: and no man laid hands on him, because they were shocked at the amount of debt Barack had caused.

Again therefore Barack said to them:  I go, and you shall seek me.  Whither I go, you cannot come.

The Republicans therefore said:  Because he won’t invite us on Air Force One we cannot come.

And he said to them:  You are beneath me, I am above you.  Eat the exhaust from Air Force One, suckers.

Then Barack said to those RINOs who believed in him:  If you continue supporting my policies, you shall be my disciples indeed.  And you shall know the truth of economic socialism, and the truth of economic socialism shall make you rich.

And again Barack said to them:  Amen, Amen I say unto you:  that whosoever committeth capitalism, is the servant of sin. 

You seek to kill me, because my word, or more specifically the word of my ghost writer Bill Ayers, hath no place in you.

I speak that which I have seen from Bill Ayers.

But now you seek to limit me to two terms, a man who have spoken the truth of Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn to you.

They therefore said to him:  We are not born of the radical 1960s:  We support the Constitution.

Barack therefore said to them:  If you support the Constitution, you would indeed love me.  For I come to fulfill the Constitution, and transform it into a living, breathing document.

He that believes in a living, breathing constitution, heareth my words.  Therefore you hear them not, because you believe in the framer’s original intent.

Amen, amen I say to you:  If any man keep my word, he shall see America fundamentally transformed.

The Republicans therefore said:  Now we know you are bat shit insane.   Art thou greater than our father James Madison?  Whom dost thou make thyself?

Barack said to them:  James Madison your father rejoiced that he might see my day:  for he really wanted more power to the executive branch but was thwarted by Alexander Hamilton.

Amen, amen I say to you, I am the President and I have a pen and a phone.

They took up stones (for guns had been banned) to cast at him.  But Barack hid himself and let the Secret Service beat up the Republicans.

(To be continued)


2 Responses

  1. SO WHERE IS MY SNAP CARD!!! I need some snap in my life. ( Old folks can use a lot of SNAP.) I don’t want to take your medicine and go to sleep! I want some SNAP! SexyNudeAndPassionate (SNAP)

  2. petermc3 says:

    Many are those who await the freedom to marry their household pet free of the bourgeouis generated stigma.

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