Your Orientation Letter From the Federal Administration of Corrective Labor Camps and Labor Settlements

Welcome to your education camp.  May your stay be a productive one!

Welcome to your education camp. May your stay be a productive one!

Hello American:

You are receiving this letter because you have been identified as having incorrect sentiments. According to your email and internet history you have expressed displeasure with the Federal government.

While as an American you may be used to a certain degree of so-called free speech, your sentiments have proven that you are a danger to the State.  As a living, breathing entity, the State cannot tolerate threats from extremists such as yourself.  

Therefore under the “Correct Thinking and Loyalty to the State” Act passed by Congress you will be moved to a Federal labor camp for education and moral reflection.

Do not view this as punishment.  You are not being punished.  You are being given a second chance.   

Once you have arrived at camp you will be given a uniform which expresses the will of the collective.  Your re-education counselor will also give you assigned readings.  Readings that we feel express the joy of correct thought.  Hopefully these readings will be beneficial to you.

You will also be given a job within the camp.  You will be paid for your labor the minimum wage.  (Don’t you wish now that the Republicans had raised it?)  

If administration notices a change in your attitude you may have a chance to free yourself from the drudgery of work.  Once correct thought becomes recognizable you will be relieved from your work patrol.  This will give you more time to pursue a hobby such as painting, writing or stamp collecting.

Remember:  A happy citizen is one who through the benevolence of the Government does not have to work.

We at the Government appreciate that you have many questions about your status and we will now answer them to the best of our ability.

  • Is being relocated to a corrective labor camp mandatory?

No.  It is not mandatory.  However it is required.  

  • Will my family be notified where I have been relocated to?

No. Your desire to stay in touch with your family is selfish.  Your family will be filled with shame over your status.  By not staying in touch a space for healing will open.

  • How and when will I be relocated?

Two representatives of the Customer Care Support Personnel department of the Federal Administration of Corrective Labor Camps and Labor Settlements will arrive at your residence to ensure that you are ready for the next exciting stage of your life. Once you have packed you will be taken to a designated train station to begin your journey.

  • What if I refuse to go?

This is a free country.  Again, your compliance is required but not mandatory. Keep in mind though that noncompliance will place a heavy emotional toll on your loved ones.  We are confident that once you have time to think about this there will be no question of noncompliance.

  • How long will I be relocated?

There is no set time limit on your re-education.  How long or how short your stay ends up being will depend on your attitude.

  • Will I be able to resume my former life upon release?

No.  We feel that your returning to your former location and habits will increase the chance of recidivism.  Upon release you will be assigned a territory to relocate to.

  • Will I have to check in with anybody once I have been released and relocated?

Yes.  We at the Government care about your well-being.  Once your new life has started a Compliance Continuation Officer will be assigned to you.  You will have to check in with him once a month and provide proof of a correct disposition.

Congratulations on being selected for improvement!  We hope your stay with us will provide good thoughts for the rest of your life!


One Response

  1. I seem to recallll another time and place where these kind of camps were used. I seem to recall that going to the showers was a bad idea.

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