I hate A&E!

As everyone is now aware, Phil Robertson of A&E’s wildly popular “Duck Dynasty” has been suspended indefinitely by the network after his controversial statements regarding homosexuality.  I am lucky enough to have Phil here today for an exclusive sit down.

Manhattan Infidel: Good morning Mr. Robertson.

Phil Robertson: Good morning sir.  It’s a pleasure to be here.

Manhattan Infidel: Let’s get right to the controversy.  You’ve been suspended by A&E after you equated homosexuality with sin.

Phil Robertson: Yes.  It was an honest question so I gave an honest answer.  According to my beliefs as a Christian homosexuality is sinful.

Manhattan Infidel: Many people were offended by your comments and regarded it as hate speech.

Phil Robertson: Yes. I know.  I don’t believe it was hate speech but obviously some people do.  Let me just say – 

[Alec Baldwin enters]

You motherf*cking f*ggot ass c*cksucker!

Alec Baldwin: Hold on.  Hold on.  Hate speech?  Which mothef*cking f*ggot ass c*cksucker is talking hatred? The f*ggot!

Manhattan Infidel:  Mr. Baldwin, hello.  I was just talking here with Phil Robertson about his suspension from A&E over his statements.

Alec Baldwin: You conservatives and your hate speech make me angry.  Just like that f*ggot c*cksucker Chinese boy who delivered my take out.

You’re a f*ggot aren’t you?

Motherf*cking f*ggot got my order wrong.

Manhattan Infidel: But Mr. Baldwin, you’ve made statements that are far more incendiary than Mr. Robertson’s.

Alec Baldwin: F*ck you, pal.  F*ck you and stay out of my way you little f*ggot.  Do you know what I do to c*cksuckers like you?  I turn then around and rub my d*ck against their ass, just like I did with that photographer.

You like this don’t you, you little f*ggot c*cksucker!

  But not in a sexual f*ggot way.  You conservatives and your hateful war on women disgust me!

Manhattan Infidel: Um.

[Martin Bashir enters]

I’ll sh*t in your mouth you whore!

Martin Bashir: Hold on.  Did someone say war on women?  Typical of conservatives.  They make me so angry I want to shit in Sarah Palin’s mouth.

Alec Baldwin:  I hear you pal.  Shit right in her piehole. That’s all women are good for. F*cking whores.

Martin Bashir:  Right back at you.  Hey, let’s find some conservative women and shit on them.

Alec Baldwin:  Great idea. I can’t wait to see your ass, but not in a sexual f*ggot way.

F*ggot!

Martin Bashir: F*ggot whore women.  I’m going to shit all over them.

[silence]

Manhattan Infidel:  So Phil, how about we head out to a bar and get a drink.

Phil Robertson:  Sounds good to me.  Anything to get away from those two.  They are very angry.

And so the Duck Dynasty patriarch and I found a bar and had  a few beers.  It was very relaxing. And not an angry liberal in sight.

(1038)