Fun with Microsoft Outlook!

The computer:  Dangerous when in the wrong hands!Here at Manhattan Infidel I am always taking photos of my penis with my iPhone looking for ways to improve the lives of my readers.  My latest installment in that award-winning series c’mon I sent you a text of my penis – doesn’t that prove I love you? will deal with computers.

We all use computers.  From checking Facebook to using them at work.  But just because you are at work does not mean you can’t have fun with your computer yes that’s my penis.  No it’s just a cold sore.

And so I now present:  Fun with Microsoft Office:

We all use email.  It is an important tool of modern life.  It facilitates the flow of modern business.  But lets face it.  Most of us have very boring jobs that deprive us of time we should be spending texting photos of our penis with our families.  But just because one is stuck in a cubicle does not mean you can’t have fun.  Try out these fun ideas and watch the wackiness ensue:

  • Hack into a coworker’s email and change his signature to “I ain’t paying you dance honey.  Now strip or I shoot your husband.”
  • Send an email out to everyone on the global address list stating that “If my demands are not met immediately the stench of burning flesh will fill your nostrils and blood will wade through the halls!”  Wait ten minutes and then recall the message.  If anyone expresses a concern just tell them that your account must have been hacked while you were texting photos of your penis.
  • You have a new female boss.  When emailing her always refer to her as “Tits McGee.”  If she expresses displeasure email her, “Quit yapping and go cook me something. You’re a woman.  It’s your duty!”
  • Send the following email out around Easter:  “I want to wish a great Easter to everyone.  And to those who celebrate Passover:  You killed Christ. Happy?”
  • There is going to be a company-wide picnic.  Refuse to go unless they add a “wet t-shirt contest.”  Email the coordinators “I hate picnics and If I have to go I had better see boobies!”
  • A beloved coworker is retiring. Wish them a happy retirement with the following email:  “Good luck! You will be missed and may you have a long and happy retirement.  Though statistics show that you’ll probably have a stroke within a year or two and become incapacitated.  And everyone knows being a drooling vegetable is no fun.  Can I have your office now?”

And there you have it readers.  Just follow these steps and I guarantee a happy, fun work environment.


5 Responses

  1. I had no idea Outlook could be this awesome.

    Thanks, Manhattan Infidel.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: As I say in my mission statement, “Would you like to see the photos of my penis on my iPhone” and “I want to make the lives of my readers better.”

    Those two objects are not unopposed.

  3. Matt says:

    You mean, your penis will make all of our lives better?

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: I’ve been telling Olivia Wilde that for years. She won’t listen.

  5. I have a feeling if we follow your advise that we’ll end up spending more time texting photos of our penises…… er wait, I mean…. spending time with our families and looking for new work. 🙂

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