In today’s post, I, the Manhattan Infidel, have decided to take a stab at selectively editing the infamous George Zimmerman audio.
As many know the original audio goes like this:
Zimmerman: This guy looks like he’s up to no good. Or he’s on drugs or something. It’s raining and he’s just walking around, looking about.
Dispatcher: Okay, and this guy – is he black, white or Hispanic?
Zimmerman: He looks black.
Which a major television network that shall remain nameless peacock selectively edited to this:
Zimmerman: This guy looks like he’s up to no good. He looks black.
While I respect and admire the job the nameless TV network peacock did I believe that much more can be done with this audio. And in keeping with my role as a respected member of the mainstream media here it goes:
Zimmerman: This guy looks like he’s up to no good.
Dispatcher: Okay, and this guy – is he black, white or Hispanic?
Zimmerman: Well I don’t see any switchblades on him so he’s definitely not Hispanic.
Dispatcher: That only leaves –
Zimmerman: He’s black. Got to be. 100 percent black-o-roonie.
I think we can all agree that is a big improvement on the unnamed network’s peacock edit. But let’s continue:
Dispatcher: Okay, and this guy – is he black, white or Hispanic?
Zimmerman: I think he might be Asian.
Dispatcher: Asian? Then you know what you have to do.
Zimmerman: Right. I’ll try to stop him before he gets to the clock tower and kills 20 people.
If only the unnamed [cough cough] network had such genius! But how about this:
Dispatcher: Okay, and this guy – is he white, black or Hispanic?
Zimmerman: I think he’s Albanian.
Dispatcher: Mobbed up?
Zimmerman: Ever known an Albanian who wasn’t a mobbed up cold-blooded psychotic killer?
Isn’t this fun? But I think we can go to the heart of the matter with one more edit:
Dispatcher: Okay, and this guy – is he white, black or Hispanic?
Zimmerman: Don’t know and don’t care. I just love shooting people. My name is George Zimmerman and when I’m not shooting people I smother black puppies with pillows.
Could there be any doubt that I will win a Pulitzer? I’m the Manhattan Infidel and I approve this message.
(512)
I hereby nominate Manhattan Infidel for the Nobel Peace Prize, the Fields Medal and a Golden Globe Award.
Your dedication to journalistic tomfoolery is an inspiration to us all.
Dispatcher: Okay, and this guy – is he white, black or Hispanic?
Zimmerman: Not sure. But he’s morbidly obese and wearing an old Darryl Strawberry Mets shirt. Should I shoot him in the face with a bazooka?
Dispatcher: Do you really have to ask?
You do have hidden talents. You might think about keeping them hidden for your own safety.
Shamus: Does Olivia Wilde come with the award?
Inn: Shoot him!
JCF: What are ya? A white hispanic?
“I just love shooting people.”
You’re gonna need to change that to – I just love shooting black people. – for a sure shot at the pulitzer.
Yes, the Nobel, the Pulitzer, a Golden Globe, and an Oscar-just for the hell of it. If Michael Moore can get nominated for making crap up, why can’t the Infidel? That, and the Infidel is far more creative.