Egyptians Riot for Less Rights!

The Prophet says Riot!!As rioting extended into its second week with over 100 Egyptians killed, onlookers from around the world wondered if Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak will be able to hold onto power.  A tense nation looked on as extra military were deployed to stop the rioters, disaffected youth.  Many asked if it would be enough?  After 30 years, is the liberal (by Western standards) rule of President Mubarek about to topple?  And if so, what would replace it?

The answer, if one looks at the words of the rioters, disaffected youth itself, is a fundamentalist state governed by Sharia Law.  Protesters spray-painted tanks with slogans such as “Get rid of Pharaoh, Mubarek is a puppet of the West, Sharia Law and Bring KFC Double Downs to Egypt!”

One rioter, disaffected youth expressed his frustration with Egypt’s liberalization under Mubarek:

My daughter is wearing lipstick!  I want to cut off her nose, circumcise her clitoris and sodomize her before I stone her to death.  But under Mubarek’s regime I can only sodomize her before I kill her.  Is that what the Prophet wanted?  Is this how low so-called Muslim countries have sunk to?

In downtown Cairo, a would-be suicide bomber attempted to blow himself up.  The poorly made bomb failed to kill anyone and only succeeded in burning off the bomber’s mustache.  One rioter disaffected youth expressed the entire Muslim world’s shame over the incident:

Mubarek – that tool of America – has shut down the internet.  How are we going to get information on how to build a good bomb to kill infidels and Jews if we have no internet?  This fills me with such rage I want to go home, cut my daughter’s nose off, circumcise her clitoris, sodomize her and stone her to death.  But under the current regime I can only do two of the four!  Allah Akbar!!

Another rioter, disaffected youth complained of the current Egyptian regime’s cozy relationship with Israel:

I want to kill Jews, but apparently they are our ally? Who knew?  This fills me with so much rage I want to go home, cut my daughter’s nose off, circumcise her clitoris, sodomize her and stone her to death.  What?  I can only do two of the four? Well, at least I can console myself with a delicious KFC Double Down.  What?  They are banned? Alright now I am filled with more rage than an anchor at MSNBC!

From Washington, President Obama kept a close eye on the situation and addressed reporters.

I stand by the legitimate aspirations of the disaffected youth in Egypt.  However I must caution them that violence is not the answer, unless of course it is directed at Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Bachman or Sarah Palin.  I ask all Egyptians to…….I’m sorry I just burped.  It must have been that delicious KFC Double Down I had before the press conference.  Now where was I?  Oh yes, the Cambridge Police acted stupidly.

A special session of the U.N. Security Council met and released a statement condemning Israel.  When asked why a spokesman for the U.N. said, “We haven’t condemned Israel all week.  It was time.”

A spokesman for Kentucky Fried Chicken expressed sympathy for Egypt’s rioters, disaffected youth and promised to send some Double Downs once rioting, disaffected youth activities stopped.



9 Responses

  1. “Bring KFC Double Downs to Egypt!”

    Finally, a popular revolutionary slogan I can get behind.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: We have already bought your plane ticket to Egypt. You shall be the Double down ambassador. It’s a noble thing you are doing, bridging the gap between East and West.

  3. innominatus says:

    The Beer Summit is like, soooo 2009. From now on, all international crises shall be resolved at Double Down Summits.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: This double down summit will be an epic-making event in our outreach to the Muslim community.

  5. Greg says:

    This fills me with so much rage I want to go home, cut Nancy Pelosi’s nose off, circumcise her clitoris, sodomize her… yukk…no I don’t think so..I’ll take the KFC double down though.

  6. Matt says:

    So, the double down is the key to international relations? That Colonel was a brilliant man!

  7. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Gregg: Good decision! KFC over Nancy any day.

    Matt: If the Colonel was so brilliant how come he never made general?

  8. The Jungers says:

    He must not have mastered the art of kissing ass.

  9. MK says:

    “Alright now I am filled with more rage than an anchor at MSNBC!”

    Now that’s a lot of rage.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>