Pimply 17-Year Old Boy Rejected by Cheerleader; Climate of Hate Blamed

A cheerleader like this one has ruined young Billy’s lifeYoung Billy is a 17-year old boy who enjoys math riddles, glee club and has plans to run for student body President.  All that changed in an instant.

Last week Billy asked popular cheerleader Shannon to the prom.  He was rejected. In a cold-blooded utterance that can only be described as “terroristic in intent” Shannon told Billy that he “wasn’t her type.

Now a devastated Billy stays in his room playing online video games, occasionally taking time out to mow the lawn or read the Bible.

The backlash against Shannon and her hate-filled rejection of Billy is intense.  Many local residents blame talk radio.

“It’s Rush Limbaugh’s fault” said one.

“Fox news and talk radio” said another.  “I don’t like what they have to say.   They promote a climate of hate.  Why else would she reject him?”

The local Democratic party pickets outside Shannon’s house.

Hey.  Ho.  Hate speech has got to go!’ read the placards. One person picketing outside her house told reporters:

Words have consequences.  We ask Shannon to tone down her rhetoric. Because of her actions peace in our community has been destroyed and one boy now is reduced to reading the Bible.  Clearly his life is ruined forever!

Shannon herself is now confined to her house, afraid to venture out.

“What the hell is wrong with these people” said Shannon in a typical irresponsible hate-filled utterance.

Billy’s plight has touched the nation and sympathy for him continues to pour in. From Harlem, local activist Al Sharpton said:

I blame the climate of hate espoused by the right wing.  Conservatives and talk radio are responsible.  And the Jews.  We mustn’t forget the Jews.  They’re behind this somehow.  That’s why I occasionally torch Jew-owned stores in Harlem.

Congress has taken action.  The “Defense of Pimply 17-Year Old Boys Act” (H.R. 2534) has been introduced and is expected to pass  The bill makes it a crime for any popular high school girl to “knowingly turn down a nerd.”

Said ex-President Bill Clinton:

It’s time for the madness to stop!  I feel young Billy’s pain.  Well, actually I don’t, having never been turned down by a woman.  Hooo-yeah!!  Then again when I was growing up we didn’t have talk radio and their right-wing climate of hate.

Rush Limbaugh could not be reached for comment, presumably because he was busy inciting violence against the Government with his hate-filled conservative rhetoric.

As for young Billy, he hopes to one day be “pimple-free.”  But things appear to be looking up for him. He has already joined eHarmony.

So far my only match has been a 58-year old Serbian grandmother who suckles live wolves and listens to Lady Gaga.  But she’s a woman at least.


7 Responses

  1. Greg says:

    I think a government program to end pimples is at hand here. include pimple treatment in the health care bill and have classes in schools to teach children to respect pimpled kids, also I think police should be forced to carry acne medication in their squad cars…How would we pay for this…we could place a 3% tax on all cheerleader uniforms and accessories…

  2. If we can get the Shannons of the world to voluntarily give up their hateful exclusionary rhetoric, there is a chance Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow and Noam Chomsky can finally score some dates.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Greg: Interesting….interesting….how about a 10% tax on cheerleaders themselves. I like that.

    CRS: Well, maybe Maddow would finally score. I don’t know about the other two.

  4. The Jungers says:

    I’m so with Greg right now. Except we’ll have to up the tax on cheerleader accessories to 10%. That way we force only rich republican conservatives to pay the tax.

  5. innominatus says:

    I thought “climate change” was supposed to rid us of this climate of hate. Why isn’t that happening? Am I not emitting enough CO2?

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: You dare mock a serious issue like our climate of hate? Tone down your rhetoric!!!!

  7. Matt says:

    I think a tax on eating disorders would compensate this young man nicely. We cannot allow hate filled personal preferences to permeate our society.

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