The Top News Stories of 2010

The Manhattan Infidel exposes stories the MSM ignoreAnd so another year has gone by.  As 2010 has concluded I’d like to take a look at some of the top stories of the year.  Stories that the Main Stream Media ignored.  But I, the Manhattan Infidel, had the courage to write about.  And so here they are – the top five stories ignored by the MSM but bravely broken by me:

  • Justin Bieber accepts responsibility for the Khmer Rouge massacres.  (Yes, this surprised me too!)  I called Justin one morning to ask him about these rumors.  Mr. Bieber did not deny it.  “Yeah, that was me.  I personally ordered the deaths of 1.2 million people, mostly intellectuals, ethnic Cambodians and economic saboteurs – you know, those who had no agricultural ability.  I’m quite ruthless and cold-blooded in my desire to impose a perfect Communist system.”   Note:  Bieber may not actually have said this as I was drinking pretty heavily and I lost my notes.  But I believe the story is credible.
  • Attorney General Eric Holder calls his dog a coward and asks for an honest discussion of canine/human relations. In a wide-ranging interview with me Holder expressed dismay over his relationship with his dog.  “I want to have an honest discussion with him but all he does is bark at me.  He’s a coward!” We then cut our thumbs, exchanged blood and became brothers.  Note:  I cannot verify Holder’s exact words as I woke up six hours later in an alleyway without my wallet, notes or pants.
  • Zombie Walt Whitman returns from the dead and eats schoolchildren.  In a two-week spree that left citizens of New Jersey terrified, iconic American poet Walt Whitman arose from the dead with an insatiable appetite for the brains of children. Before I successfully torched his zombie body and ended the threat I asked him why he only eats the brains of children.  “Kids’ brains just taste better.  Especially when they are thinking about donuts.”  As for why the MSM ignored this story I can only speculate.  Perhaps they thought by reporting it they would be accused of zombiephobia.
  • American Idol won by Marvin the Martian.  The latest season of American Idol was won by Marvin the Martian of the planet Mars. His rendition of Silly Love Songs by Paul McCartney and Wings wowed the judges.  Despite winning, Mr. Martian appeared to be dissatisfied with his award.  “Where’s the kaboom?  There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom!  This makes me very angry.  Very angry indeed!”  Note:  I cannot verify that Marvin the Martian actually won American Idol because at the time I was holed up in a motel room on the Eastern shore of Maryland in the depths of an ether binge.  But people I talked to at the motel assure me it did happen.  They then told me to put my pants back on.
  • Sarah Jessica Parker still ugly.  In a story ignored by the rest of the media, actress Sarah Jessica Parker continues to be astonishingly ugly.  Viewing the Sex in the City II DVD from my hotel room I was struck by how much she looked like Mr. Ed with acne and a herniated disk. Note:  At the time I viewed the DVD I was combining LSD with competitive pop tart eating and passed out in a puddle of my own vomit.  I woke up without my wallet, pants and left knee cap.  But I believe that these facts do not detract from the basic veracity of the story.

And there you have it readers.  The five stories of the year reported only by me.  I look forward to breaking more stories like this in 2011, at substantial risk to myself.  But I’m a brave trailblazer.  I guess you could call me the second coming of Pat Sajak.


8 Responses

  1. Karen Howes says:

    I KNEW Justin Bieber was no good!

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KH: Bieber is the Antichrist. This is just the tip of the iceberg!

  3. Sarah Jessica Parker was cast as Medusa in the latest “Clash of the Titans” remake, but the make-up crew couldn’t make her any more hideous than she already is, so the director dropped SJP like a bad habit.

  4. innominatus says:

    Every try to imagine what it would look like if SJP and Senator John Kerry had a kid together?

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    CRS, Inn: I’ve just gone blind thinking about SJP and her ugliness. Kerry and SJP: the child would look like a cross between herman munster and mr. ed.

  6. Matthew says:

    I called the Walt Whitman one. However, #6 was absolutely shocking!

  7. MK says:

    Yeah Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly.

    But what’s with the lack of pants? You need to be more careful, what with the whole world becoming gay friendly and all that.

  8. Mark says:

    I can only speak to the veracity of the Walt Whitman story. He ate the brains out of my cats which I’m sure is the only pussy that pooftah every ate.
    Poptarts are for racists.

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