Trapped Chilean Miners Reach Surface; Mainstream Media Struggles to Find Meaning

Workers free miners as mainstream media struggles for meaningOne by one, Chilean miners trapped underground for 68 days were brought to the surface as people throughout the world watched. Also on hand were the media who struggled to find meaning in the event as the miners were rescued.

As the first miner Alfonso Avalos, 31, was rescued his father said “I am so overcome with emotion now, as if I have been touched by God.”

On MSNBC, anchor Contessa Brewer could not make out what had been said and informed viewers “I think he said he’s spiritual but not religious.”

CNN speculated that perhaps this mining disaster would help raise environmental awareness.  Said Anderson Cooper:

I understand that it was a constant 90 degrees down in the mine. I believe the presence of the miners raised the temperature. If this doesn’t prove man-made global warming what does? As we watch these men being rescued I’m sure everyone can agree with me:  No more mines! Our sacred Mother Earth is being raped. Let’s protect this planet from capitalists and Dick Cheney.

Watching the rescue from the White House, President Obama told reporters that he had called Chilean President Sebastian Pinera that he was “thankful for the successful rescue of the oppressed workers” and that he hoped “Chile would use this opportunity to declare a moratorium on mining.  Think wind power!”

Hollywood has already rushed into production a movie about the miners called “Trapped by America!” 

A preview from the movie shows Alfonso Avalos, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, emerging from his tomb.  With his blue eyes flashing and his blond hair waiving in the breeze DiCaprio raises his fist and says

I have learned first hand about the evils of mining. During my 68 days below the surface I contemplated the sins I have committed against our planet.  I have raped it.  I have penetrated it.  And for what?  To satisfy western civilization’s insatiable desire for minerals?  We should all live like primitive tribes.  They know how to live in harmony with Earth.  I hereby declare that I will spend the rest of my life in the Amazon rain forest teaching the tribes about their non-western spirituality.  And I’m Chil-lay-an not Chilean you racist Americans!

Studio executives admit some “license” was taken with the facts but they hope to bring out the “deeper truth of western imperialism.”

As the rescue continued, the last miner scheduled to be hoisted to the surface, shift foreman Luis Urzua,  said that he just wants to get back to work.

“I love mining.  I’ve been doing it my entire life.”

“Obviously a Republican” said MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann.


6 Responses

  1. Just an FYI-the first syllable of Contessa Brewer’s name rhymes with ‘bunt’.

    Speaking of baseball, Francesa was adamant that the Yankees don’t start Burnett against Cliff Lee. Thoughts?

  2. Also, hashcash has been annihilating my feeble attempts at commenting lately.

    What, does it think I’ve said anything about the skulls?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    CRS; Hash-cash I’ve noticed has been very buggy lately.

    Unfortunately I have to agree with the “Bunt” on this. I have tickets to game four on Tuesday night. That, unfortunately is the night that “Headcase” Burnett pitches.

    I’d rather see Javier Vasquez at the point than Burnett.

  4. I saw a thing where “Tingles” Matthews suggested that if the miners were following the Tea Party, they would have died. I fail to find the words to describe his fail.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: Tingles Matthews doesn’t need words to describe his epic fail. He is fail itself.

  6. MK says:

    “We should all live like primitive tribes. They know how to live in harmony with Earth.”

    Oh yeah, that was a joyous period in the history of mankind, what with the constant threat of rape, mutilation, disease, war, slavery, murder, cannibalism, crapping in a hole. Yeah the good ol’ days. You first Leo.

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